


Michael Flying Solo

by adarna



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Michael-centric, POV First Person, Stagedorks, and deciding to be who he really is, but jeremy never abandoned michael for popularity, but the whole rich burning jakes house down, expensive headphones, no squip involved, pins n patches, still applies, this an au by the way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-03-14 20:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13597854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adarna/pseuds/adarna
Summary: Seventeen-year-old Michael Mell is tired of people telling him that a teenager should spend their youth experiencing what love is. He knows what love is. He sees it every day ever since his childhood best friend finally got himself a girlfriend. And honestly, he doesn't think he's missing out on anything. He's completely fine with being a nerdy gay boy crushing on the perfect popular kid from a distance.But then the Valentine's dance begins to draw near and the pressure of dating someone is becoming too much for him to bear. Just to appease his friends and family, he eventually finds himself constructing a lie after lie that involves pretending to be hopelessly in love with the guy that used to torment him.He knows that his lies will catch up to him anytime soon. He could only hope they don't blow up on his face when that time comes.





	1. The Immediate Change That Is My Best Friend’s Girlfriend

# 01\. The Immediate Change That Is My Best Friend’s Girlfriend

Christine Canigula is my best friend’s girlfriend. Back then, I didn’t know much about her aside from her face, her name, and the fact that she’s half-Chinese. But ever since Jeremy finally decided to grow a pair and ask her out after pining for her since the seventh grade, Christine ended up being an addition to what was once our two-man squad. 

The change was abrupt and kinda weird. I’m a bit of a mess when it comes to girls, and I’m already a flustered stuttering mess to guys so that’s saying something.

When I got to properly meet her for the first time thanks to Jeremy’s introductions, I was  _ completely  _ quiet. I literally didn’t know what to say. I was worried that I might end up bringing up something that could tarnish my best friend’s chances of the endearing long-term relationship he’s been dreaming of. 

But that’s how I always am in social situations.

I overthink.

Sure, I can consider what I should order in a fast food restaurant as long as I want in spite of being in front of the line or I could accidentally drop my food on the floor only to pick it up and shove it into my mouth in front of everyone-- I’m fine doing whatever Jeremy might consider  _ embarrassing  _ in front of people I don’t care about. But the second I’m pushed to interact with anyone other my than my best friend, I would suddenly be reduced to a puddle of unnecessary flaws. 

But that wasn’t a problem with Christine. In fact, she pretty much carried our entire conversation and that made me comfortable right away. It was almost like she never even noticed how quiet I was and eventually, I found myself contributing to our conversation as well.

And that’s when I finally realized what Jeremy sees in her and I’m proud to say that my buddy has impeccable taste.

Honestly, I would have had a crush on her too if I’m not solely into guys.

Back then, she was just a name and a face to me.

But now she’s so much more.

For one, she’s really into theatre. I don’t care for theatre, but the way she talks about it makes it sound so fascinating. She knows how to build up an audience and Jeremy and I would be on the edges of our seats listening to whatever play she would be telling us about. Christine is an  _ amazing  _ storyteller. This incredible hidden power of hers could have been used for evil if it was bestowed on someone like Inspector Loose Lips, AKA Jenna Rolan. 

Another thing I’ve recently learned about her is that she’s really good at video games. Jeremy has not won a single game against her so far. He had let her win the first few rounds, but then she picked up on that real fast which then initiated their very first-- and hopefully their very last-- argument. I was unfortunate enough to be there to witness everything and was even forced to choose a side. 

And then there’s her family.

When Christine invited Jeremy to meet her parents, Jeremy freaked out (you know, like he always does) and invited me to join him as well so my presence would calm him down. Christine didn’t mind. I guess she knew what she was signing up for when she decided to date the guy who’s only had one real friend in his entire life. 

Her family is exactly like her: passionate and all over the place.

No, literally. They were all over the place.

Christine has three brothers and four sisters and they all couldn’t seem to stay in one spot. Her parents aren’t shy in terms of showing their affection to each other in front of their daughter’s friends and at one point, I wondered if that’s the kind of romance she wants out of her relationship with Jeremy. If it was, then she shouldn’t hold her breath. 

Jeremy wouldn’t even let me hook my arm around his in public because he’s scared that people might get the wrong idea.

Sure. As if we ever catch other people’s attention.

“Do you think it needs more glitter?” Christine scratches her cheek and stares down at the vision board she’s been making for almost an hour and a half now. Jeremy has been helping her with it by cutting up pictures from magazines and old posters. I haven’t been very handy but Christine doesn’t seem to mind.

I’ve only been watching them from her bed, entertaining them with whatever fascinating riddles I could find on the internet. But I eventually gave up on that one ten minutes ago and I just locked my phone.

“Too much glitter might make it tacky.” I put in my two cents. 

“True, but I want it to look as glamorous as possible, you know? Maybe I could try a different color this time.” Christine says with a tired sigh. “What do you think, Jere-bear?”

_ Jere-bear  _ is her term of endearment for Jeremy.

Jeremy unfortunately hasn’t thought of one for her yet.

“You can put more glitter if you want.” Jeremy smiles at her and I fight back the urge to roll my eyes so far back in my head, I could have witnessed my brain cells breathing their last. I know for a fact that he doesn’t want to deal with any more glitter but he’s incredibly feeble to girls. I don’t want to call him a Ladies Pushover but that’s what he is. 

“Great!” Christine’s eyes light up like they always do whenever Jeremy agrees with her. “Here.” She hands him another small container of glitter. “Can you please sprinkle that over there?”

“Sure thing.”

“Is this a school project?” I ask as I pick up a picture of Kristin Chenoweth from the pile. 

“Nope. It’s just a personal thing.” Christine answers me without taking her eyes off her work.

“Can’t you just do this on your computer?”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“It’s easier.”

“It wouldn’t be authentic.”

“Yeah.” Jeremy agrees with her. “This is actually kinda fun, Michael. It feels very nostalgic.”

That has got to be his second lie for the day. Jeremy never liked arts and crafts. The scent and the feel of glue makes him sick and he’s always worried about getting a papercut. I had to do his art projects for him back in first grade and in return, he had his mom make her famous chewy chocolate chip cookies for my birthday. All the hard work I did for those cookies was definitely worth it. I still haven’t met anyone who could bake better than Mrs. Heere.

Though, I probably shouldn’t be referring to her as Mrs. Heere anymore.

“Well, this is boring.” I get up from Christine’s bed and try my best to not step on anything as I walk across the room to get to the door. “Just call me when you guys decided to give up on Bob Ross-ing your weekend.”

“Where are you going?” Christine looks back at me over her shoulder as she pushes her short dark hair behind her ear, a genuine look of confusion written all over her face. Her reaction makes sense. I always spend my weekends with the two of them and absolutely no one else, so to imagine myself going somewhere else without them can be seen as pretty unbelievable. But I’m not really in the mood to just watch them create a vision board together.

Besides, I have a feeling this is one of those moments where the two want to be alone for now. Probably to make out after.

Ugh, gross. Now I have that image in my head.

“I’ll probably buy something at Sev-Elev. Then maybe smoke in my basement. You guys want in?” I say, though I try not to make my tone sound as hopeful as I really am. 

Jeremy and Christine share a look and I immediately know what they’re both thinking.

They really want their privacy today.

“I’ll call you later, man.” Jeremy waves a picture of a theatre stage at me. “We’re still on for  _ Wolf Creek 2  _ later.”

“Don’t smoke too much, Mikey!” Christine beams at me with a knowing wink.

“You’re just saying that so I could leave some for you, you sneak. You guys better come by later for our movie night.” I grin at them. “Laters.”

I give them a casual salute before making my way out.

Do I mind that my best friend is finally dating the love of his life and that this love of his life has become a drastic change to our routine? Of course not. I like Christine-- more than I thought I would. She’s really easy to get along with. But do I mind being a third wheel and sometimes being encouraged to try and ask someone out?  _ Yes.  _ Absolutely.

There are times when I could see the immediate discomfort Jeremy and Christine would have every time they would show some kind of accidental affection to each other simply because I would usually be there in front of them. They don’t mention it but I know for a fact that they try their best not to be all lovey-dovey as much as possible so as to not make me feel left out. Plus, I’ve never seen Jeremy being all affectionate with someone so maybe he thought I would have found it weird now that he has a girlfriend.

But frankly, I don’t really care if they kiss or get mushy with each other in front of me.

I may like someone, but a romantic relationship isn’t exactly something I’m dying to have.

I like my life just the way it is. I’m not lonely at all and that's because I’m always in good company. Perhaps a romantic partner would be a nice bonus but it’s definitely not something I need to fill a nonexistent gap in my life.

And yet, Jeremy clearly thinks otherwise.

What can I say? He’s kind of a hopeless romantic. He thinks everyone deserves and  _ should  _ have a love story. 

Being in a relationship has been making him guilty. He believes that I should be in a relationship too so he wouldn’t feel so bad about having to change our weekend routines for Christine. But I think he’s overreacting-- like he always does. I’ve explained to him repeatedly how I just don’t see romance as a necessity in my life and he still couldn’t get the full picture.

But that’s Jeremy for you.

He has always been a romantic since we were kids. While other boys would dream about becoming an astronaut or a superhero when they grow up, Jeremy would dream about what kind of perfect date he’d set up for his destined soulmate (it’s a picnic by the sea that ends with a sweet kiss, by the way). He’s fallen in love so many times that I’ve lost count by the time we’ve reached the fifth grade. 

If there are times where I feel like I should try and date someone, it’s usually because I just want my best friend to finally shut up about it.

As I hopped into my old almost busted PT Cruiser, I immediately pick up on Christine’s sweet rose perfume. She always spritz her signature perfume on herself every before and after school. Since she has always been a very physically affectionate person, her scent got stuck with me, Jeremy, and probably our things as well. 

Including my car.

But I hate my car so I don’t really care. 

I never really had problems with it at first until Rich pointed out that only ‘fags’ and old people drive PT Cruisers.

But I don’t want to get into that right now. Rich is the last person I want to think about.

As soon I started the engine, the music of _ Miss Saigon _ fills the atmosphere. It’s a cassette tape that Christine found in their basement. Ever since she found out that I only play cassette tapes in my car, she started collecting a bunch of her favorite ones just so she doesn’t have to listen to  _ Bob Marley _ or  _ The Cure _ for the nth time.  

We do share an interest in two artists though:  _ Björk _ and  _ Kate Bush. _

Jeremy, on the other hand, has also been showing a lot of interest in broadway musicals as well. You can just imagine what it’s like every time we choose what to play in  _ my  _ car. I always get outvoted by the majority.

But they’re not here with me right now so I eagerly play  _ I Shot the Sheriff  _ in full blast.

And I just realize how long it’s been since I played that song in my car.


	2. Jake Dillinger: Everyone’s Prince Charming

# 02\. Jake Dillinger: Everyone’s Prince Charming

Let me talk about Jake Dillinger for a sec.

He’s not just a popular kid. He’s  _ the  _ popular kid. Of course, people would usually associate that title with the words  _ cocky, entitled,  _ and  _ ignorant.  _ But the surprising thing about Jake is that he’s none of those things. He’s popular among every single clique Middleborough High has to offer from the nerds to the  _ in  _ crowd.

Both of his parents run an immensely powerful conglomerate so it’s no secret that they expect the very best from their son. Jake excels in so many things at school. On top of being the student body president, he’s also a member of the lacrosse team, the debate team, the track team, and model UN. He recently got into the theatre club very easily too. I didn’t even know he’s into theatre until now. He’s a teacher’s pet but he doesn’t go out of his way to kiss the faculty’s ass all the time. 

Plus, he’s a good guy. He’s probably the only one in the popular clique who doesn’t waste his time tearing other people down. He’s too busy being charming and likable with his boyish smile and his suave appeal. I can’t imagine anyone saying anything bad about him considering the fact that he’s nice to everyone.

In other words, Jake Dillinger is perfect.

And I like him a lot.

I know it’s not smart for a guy like me to fall for someone…  _ straight.  _ But that’s why I only like him from a distance. 

So I guess you could imagine my heart rate going all out the second I catch sight of him at Seven-Eleven. He sees me as well and greets me with his effortless gorgeous grin. Whenever I see someone from school, I would automatically put my hood up and pretend I didn’t see them in an attempt to avoid any form of interaction. But Jake is an exception. We may come from completely different cliques but we’re somewhat comfortable with each other.

That’s how it is when you’ve been nextdoor neighbors since kindergarten.

I smile back at him and give him a small wave of my hand.

“Hey, Mike.” He joins me in front of the chips aisle. He’s the only one who calls me Mike. I never even told him to call me by that name but I just eventually got used to it. “You alone today?”

“Yep.” I say, popping my lips as I try to look as though I’m completely absorbed by the choices on the shelf. He doesn’t need to know about my currently frazzled nerves. “I have to leave those two lovebirds alone every now and then like a good friend.”

“Jeremy’s a lucky dude.” Jake sighs almost in defeat.

Back then, Jeremy wasn’t the only one pining for Christine. Jake was his opponent in earning Christine’s affections. She was the sole reason why they both even joined the theatre club just so they could have more time with her. I just got dragged into it because Jeremy’s my buddy and I served as his ‘moral support’-- or at least that’s what Jeremy said and that somehow convinced me. 

To most people, it’s a miracle that Jake lost a girl to a nerd like Jeremy.

But I think they’re forgetting that  _ the girl  _ has a mind of her own and isn’t just some prize to be claimed.

“But hey, Dave's throwing a party tonight.” Jake adds with a soft nudge to my shoulder. “If you get bored, you can always--”

“Sorry, dude.” I cut him off right away. I already know where he’s going with this so I give him my usual answer. “We’re actually gonna watch some movies tonight. Thanks for the invite, though.”

“Well, let me know if you change your mind.” He sounds pleased just as I expected him to be.

He’s only inviting me because he feels like he’s obligated to. He figures he owes me that much. It’s also his way of knowing if I have any plans for the night. When it comes to parties, Jake likes to drink a lot despite being an obvious lightweight. And of course, what kind of perfect son would he be if goes home hammered drunk? So what does he do in order to avoid suspicion from his parents?

Easy.

He tells them he’ll be spending the night at my place to work on something for school. Then every after party, he’ll call me and I’ll drive by to pick him up. He’ll then spend the night in my room so in a way, he’s still keeping his word. Then I would nurse him through his hangover in the morning until he’s okay enough to return home like nothing happened.

Jeremy has no idea about those nights. I never told him because Jake made me promise not to. This is his reputation we’re talking about after all.

I don’t mind though. It feels nice to be trusted this much by someone as cool as Jake.

Besides, he sneaks me a beer or two so we’re even.

“Wait, why are you even going to Dave's party?” I ask him with an inquisitive raise of my brow. “Didn’t you say his parties suck?”

“They do.” Jake lets out a faint groan. “He doesn’t even have a pool and barely has enough drinks for everyone. But I also heard he’s been trying to make a pass at Chloe. Seriously, that guy’s been trying to make a pass at every girl I’ve been with. What do you think he’s trying to accomplish here?”

“Become Jake 2.0?”

He snorts a laugh at that. “Well that’s not gonna be easy for him. Besides, Chloe’s not into him.”

Chloe is his ex-girlfriend. She’s also not the nicest person I know. And I’m not saying that because I’m bitter. She once threatened Christine to leave the theatre club after finding out about Jake’s reason for joining.

But it looks like he hasn’t completely gotten over her yet.

They have always been kinda on and off anyway so that shouldn’t be a surprise.

“What makes you think she’s not into him?” I try to sound as nonchalant as possible as I reach for a small bag of  _ Cheetos _ . “She’s not dating you anymore after all. She could be interested in anyone at this point.”

“Trust me, Dave isn’t her type.”

“People change, man.”

“Not Chloe.”

“You like her that much, huh?”

“Chloe?”

“She’s the topic of our conversation, yeah.”

“Everyone likes her.”

That almost made me laugh but I bite it down. That would have been rude no matter how ridiculous he sounded. Love sure can do weird things to people. 

“Sure, if you say so.” I say instead, brushing past him to make my way towards the cashier.

He follows me and that initiates a flutter in my stomach.

“What-- don’t  _ you  _ like Chloe?” He asks. He doesn’t sound defensive though. He’s curious, if anything.

“Jake, your ex-girlfriend literally told me-- out loud in class-- that Kevin Smith wants his jorts back. Everyone laughed at me.  _ You  _ laughed at me.”

“Hey hey hey,” Jake puts his hands up in defense. “I did  _ not  _ know they were laughing at you. I didn’t even hear her. I just laughed because everyone else was laughing. I figured it would be rude not to.”

I believe him. Call me weak or whatever, but I trust him. I don’t think he has any reason to turn his back on me. He’s not the stereotypical popular jock who would turn his back on other people just to be validated by his peers. 

I smile at him and shake my head. “Dude, I just think you should focus your attention on a different girl.”

“That’s easier said than done.” I hear him mutter.

I accept my purchase from the cashier after paying for it. “I just don’t think you should settle for someone just because you think she’s your safest choice. That’s not fair to Chloe. No matter how much I don’t like her.” 

“Oh come on, I’m her safest choice too. It’s a win-win for both of us.”

“Gee, that sounds healthy.”

He laughs. “Man, I wish I were a gay dude. It must be easier to be with guys.”

It really isn’t. The only thing I don’t like about Jake is that he sometimes says stuff like that. He probably thinks he’s giving me a compliment but he’s not. He says that as if there isn’t anything damaging about being gay. For one, we face violence on a regular basis from a prejudiced community-- the reason why I don’t want to think about Rich.

And second, we all have to be molded from the same specific cookie cutter just so people would like us more.

If I’m not flamboyant enough or if I don’t emphasize my words with my hip, then nobody wants me to be their friend. I can’t be their gay comic relief or their proof of how progressive they are if I don’t constantly shout to the world how gay I am.

Not like I care about whether or not they want me to be their friend though.

I have Jeremy, and also Christine now. If they like me, then I’m happy.

But I decide to humor Jake today. I smile at him as we walk out of the convenience store together.

“Yeah, being a gay dude is pretty easy. You can literally just pick anyone you want on the street. You see that guy over there?” I discreetly gesture to some stranger nearby sitting on the bench by himself, fiddling with his phone. “He has his keys hanging on his left belt loop. That’s his silent way of telling other gay dudes that he’s open for a one-night stand and that he’s a definite top.”

“Whoa.” Jake sounds so genuinely fascinated, it’s almost endearing. God, he’s so cute. “So you can just go to him and tell him that you’re up for it?”

I was just pulling his leg. Nobody uses that key stunt anymore.

“Only if you’re a bottom or a verse.”

He then looks down at something and I follow his eyes only to realize that he also has his keys hanging on his left belt loop. Then I see his face turning red at the sight and this time, I fail to bite back the laughter bubbling out of me. I crack up so hard that the guy we were just talking about looks at us.

“You’re so loud, man!” Jake tries to calm me down but he’s pretty much laughing himself.

“Sorry! Sorry!” I catch my breath and take a step back from him, feeling my lips still grinning from ear to ear. “It’s just that-- you should’ve seen the look on your face. Just a few minutes ago you were saying that you wished you were a gay dude, and the second you realized that you look like one, your face just burst into flames.”

“W-Well how was I supposed to react?” He chuckles, still evidently embarrassed. “What if some guy suddenly comes up at me and tells me that he wants to bang?”

“Then you should bang him.”

He breathes out a derisive laugh. “As if.”

And there goes his defensive ‘no-thanks-I’m-not-gay’ wall. He usually puts it up when the topic is driving out longer than he’s comfortable with.

I decide to spare him any more further embarrassment and drop the subject. “Wanna hang in my basement for a while? I’ve got some blunts to spare.”

“Hell yeah!” He grins at me and throws his arm over my shoulders. “I could use some--”

_ “Jakey D!” _

The voice I’ve been dreading to hear all day interrupts Jake and we look up to find Rich pulling up his blue pickup truck in front of us. He looks at us through his rolled-down window. I notice a familiar pretty blonde sitting on the passenger seat.  

“Oh, hey Mell.” Rich acknowledges me for a second before focusing back on his best friend. “Brooke and I are going to get some frozen yogurt. Wanna come with?”

“We’re having Pinkberry!” Brooke, who’s seated beside him, adds with an excited squeal.

“Is Chloe coming?” Jake asks.

“Yeah. That’s why I’m inviting you.” Rich gives him a mischievous wink.

I feel sick. He’s ruining everything.

“Count me in then.” Jake pulls away from me and is just about to hop onto the bed of the truck when he stops and remembers that I’m still standing here. He quickly turns around and offers me an apologetic smile. “I’ll smoke with you some other time, yeah?”

“Sure.” I smile my disappointment off. “Just call me if you wanna hang.”

“Dude, you need help.” Rich tells me, but not rudely so.

His presence still puts me off even after his apology so I try not to look at him as I shrug my shoulders. “It’s just marijuana, Rich. It’s not that serious.”

“If you say so. See ya.”

And just like that, they drive off.

Then I flip him the bird just to steam out my annoyance. I look back at the guy sitting on the bench by himself and he looks back at me. He shakes his head in disapproval of what I just did. I immediately put my hood up and head back to my own car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here's my second BMC fic! 
> 
> I know I haven't mentioned Rich's lisp but I'm writing this based on experience. I grew up with a lisp myself but I started learning how to talk without it by the time I reached high school (it's not easy being mocked for it). Now I can naturally talk without my lisp, but it still comes out whenever I get very emotional or tired. I can't just force out what was once natural to me even if I tried.
> 
> So to me, I feel like that would be a similar case for Rich. Maybe other people have different experiences with their lisp, but this one is my experience so I'm sticking with this! :D
> 
> Next chapter: **03\. Rich Goranski, the Now Openly Bisexual Kid**


	3. Rich Goranski, the Now Openly Bisexual Kid

# 03\. Rich Goranski, the Now Openly Bisexual Kid

Christine is literally the only person I know who can sleep through an excessively gory movie. Never mind that I have the best surround speakers a guy my age could ever have or the fact that I increased the movie’s volume just to jolt her awake-- she still wouldn’t budge away from her slumber. She slept through _High Tension_ and _Hostel_ as well so maybe I shouldn't be too surprised. But I can’t be _not_ disappointed either. She looks like the kind of person who gets easily spooked and those who get easily spooked are the best ones to watch horror movies with.

“Wow, that just blew my mind.” Jeremy sighs in apparent disbelief at the ending of _Wolf Creek 2._

I turn the television off. “Too bad Christine missed it.”

“I’ll just tell her everything about it tomorrow.”

We both glance over at the dozing girl sprawled out on my couch, her head on Jeremy’s lap and my hoodie spread over her torso. I had to give up my spot for her legs so I ended up sitting on the beanbag chair nearby.

“Should we wake her up?” I ask as I carefully move her leg that’s already hanging off the edge of the couch.

“Give her a few minutes. She’s expected to be home in another hour anyway.” There’s a fond smile on Jeremy’s face that’s solely reserved for the girl of his dreams. I would have made fun of him for it but that joke is so overused that it wouldn’t be just as funny anymore.

I stay still on my seat. “I bet you’re looking forward to that Valentine’s Dance, huh?”

Jeremy looks embarrassed. “It’ll be our first dance together. Of course I’m looking forward to it.”

“Just try not to throw up on her.” I snicker and he manages to throw an empty can of Mountain Dew at my head while miraculously not waking Sleeping Beauty up.

I frown at him and wag my finger at his direction in feigned disapproval. He puts up his middle finger at me in response, a cheeky smirk plastered on his lips. I would have tossed the can back at him but that would have meant taking the risk of hitting Christine and the last thing she needs to know is that her own boyfriend still throws things at his friend like a spoiled kid.

Jeremy adjusts my hoodie on her before refocusing his eyes back at me. “Have you asked anyone to the dance yet?”

I cock a brow in disbelief. “Dude, please tell me that’s a rhetorical question.”

“You’re gonna end up alone at the dance if you don’t swallow your social anxiety, you know.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna be alone _taking pictures for the yearbook like what I’m supposed to do._ I don’t think I’ll have time worrying over whether or not I look silly that I don’t have a date.”

“But dances are supposed to be fun. How is taking pictures of kids you barely know fun?”

“I get to include it on my college application.”

Jeremy looks like he’s prepared to further argue with me about this but then he suddenly stops, thinks it over, and groans in slight frustration. “Okay, that’s fair enough. But Michael, this is seriously our last year in high school. You can’t possibly be thinking of spending it by turning a blind eye to opportunities."

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at that. “You’re blowing this way out of proportion, buddy.”

“I’m serious! Why can’t you ask… well, _you-know-who…_ to the dance?”

I know who he’s referring to and that annoys me to a degree. I appreciate that my best friend thinks he’s helping me with my dating life but honestly, the more he talks about it, the more I don’t want to pursue it just to spite him. Just because Dustin and I are the only openly gay kids in our grade doesn’t mean we should hold hands and frolic away to rainbows and sunshine. Dustin’s a cool guy, but he’s definitely not my type. He’s kinda like me-- funny and laidback. Dating him would be like dating myself and that’d be weird.

“Dustin’s my dealer, man.” I shake my head. “You and Christine need to quit pushing him to me.”

“Isn’t the fact that he’s Christine’s cousin comforting to know though? At least you can be reassured that he comes from a good family.”

“He’s literally a drug dealer, Jeremy.”

“Maybe he has his reasons.”

“Okay, why don’t _you_ ask him to the dance?”

He frowns at me but I just laugh at his reaction. I decide to take the risk and throw the empty can of Mountain Dew at his direction. Much to my satisfaction, it completely misses Christine and hits him on the head.

“Boom.” I grin, raising my fist up in victory. “Slam dunk.”

“That’s not what a slam dunk is.” He rubs his forehead where the can hit him. “And I’m serious, man. Don’t you ever wonder who your soulmate could be?”

“Oh wow, we’re talking about soulmates now?” I laugh. I’m well-aware that I’m acting giddier than usual and I can thank my newly-bought stash for that. “Jeremy, buddy, I looooove that you have these extravagant ideas about love, soulmates, destiny, and all that Nicholas Sparks shit; but I’m not like you. I’m not lonely just because I’m not dating anyone. I have you, Christine, and my family. I don’t need anyone else, you know?  I’m _happy._ This is as great as it’s gonna get and I’m not complaining.”

“You say that as if you’ve never liked anyone before.”

“Well, I didn’t say that.”

And just like that, immediate interest flickers in Jeremy’s dark doe eyes and he almost leaps up to his feet but then he clearly remembers Christine and he immediately eases himself down. But the sheer curiosity on his face is conspicuous.

“You like someone? Dude, why didn’t you tell me?” He half-hisses.

I shrug. “I didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal to you.” That’s a fucking lie. I _know_ it’s going to be a huge deal to him which is why I never wanted to mention it in the first place. Who knows what’ll happen if he tells Christine who is somehow such an expert in setting people up?

“Who who who?” He asks like an overly-excited teenage girl. I’m almost embarrassed for him.

“It doesn’t matter, man. It’s just a crush.” I realize that I’m getting embarrassed for myself as well. Yikes.

“Just give me a name!”

“No way.”

“What? Why not?!”

“Because it’s weird! It’s not like you’re gonna be able to do something about it.”

“Maybe Christine--”

“ _No, Jeremy_ . I’m telling you right now that he’s _way_ out of my league. Not even Christine can do anything about it. Like I said, I don’t need to date him. I’m happy and perfectly contented in admiring him from afar.”

Jeremy slumps a bit on his seat in defeat. After seeing him like that, I thought he has finally decided to let the topic go. But then I remember this is Jeremy I’m dealing with and Jeremy always knows his way around persuading me to do anything he wants.

“You seem to have forgotten that that’s exactly what I thought about Christine before.” He reminds me with a small triumphant smile. “And look where we are now.”

“This is different.” I squirm uncomfortably on my seat. “He’s not Christine.”

“Can’t you at least give me some hint?”

“Nah.”

“Michael!”

“Jeremy.”

“What if I give you my MonoConan O’Brien vinyl figure?”

“Please, like I’d believe that. You got that at the San Diego Comic Con and you _never_ give anything you bought from that con.”

“I’m serious. Clean and unopened. I’ll give it to you tomorrow morning just as long as you give me a few hints.”

“You’re gonna give one of your most prized possessions away for a few _hints?_ ”

“Screw it, right? I can’t convince you otherwise.”

I contemplate on that. I’ve always been jealous of Jeremy’s MonoConan O’Brien figurine but I never bothered to ask him if I could either buy it or trade anything from my own collection for it. Jeremy treats his vinyl figures like they’re his own flesh and blood. It’s almost hilarious how he would give one of them up just to get a clue to who I like.

He’s really bad at guessing games anyway so what have I got to lose?

“Okay, deal.” I offer him a one-sided smile as I lean back against my chair and cross my arms over my chest. “But I can only give you three hints. Ask me three questions and I’ll answer them honestly.”

Jeremy looks pretty proud of himself and I fight back my will to laugh at how easy this is to me.

“Fine. My first question,” he clears his throat for supposed dramatic effect. “is he in our grade?”

“Yep.” I hold my finger out. “That’s one hint.”

“Is he part of Jake’s circle?”

“Which circle? He kinda hangs out with everyone.”

“The cool kids.”

“Oh. Hmm…” I tap my finger on my chin. Does he count as a _member_ of it when he’s the one who pretty much leads it? “I guess he is.”

“You _guess?_ ”

“It’s a bit complicated.” I hold up a second finger. “Those are two hints now. Make the last one count.”

“Did he have any recent experience with fire?”

Ah, fuck. Jeremy’s more clever than I thought.

I hesitate. If I answer honestly, then he’ll figure out that it’s Jake right away. Just last year, Jake threw a Halloween party so memorable, it made it to news outlets all over the internet. But not in a good way.

According to all the articles that went around at the time, his house went up in flames.

And it was all Rich’s fault.

Except there were some inaccuracies in what really happened. For one, Jake’s house didn’t really go up in flames. Just a few parts of it-- their basement was really the only room that went through a lot of damage. And second, Rich didn’t start the fire. He just happened to be in the basement when it happened. I’m not entirely sure what the details are but what I know is that it had something to do with faulty wiring and their old portable heater not meeting up to its safety standards.

Jake broke both of his legs getting Rich out of the basement.

Clearly his legs are okay now; but it’s Rich who has to be reminded of that incident everyday due to the large red burn scars all over his body.

But now I can feel panic rising up my throat as I contemplate on whether or not I should answer Jeremy’s question honestly. If I say yes, then he’ll know right away that it’s Jake and he’ll somehow manage to convince me to tell Christine about it as well. And I don’t want that. It’s fucking embarrassing and bordering on pathetic to be crushing on a guy who used to have a big crush on her.

But in the midst of my mental panic, Jeremy speaks up again.

“Your silence speaks volumes.”

I look at him and catch a smug grin on his face.

My face heats up in humiliation. “S-Shut up! I haven’t even given you my answer yet. Don’t look so smug--”

“I already know who it is.”

“No you don’t.”

“Oh but I do.” He wiggles his shoulders playfully.

I swallow hard and raise my chin up a bit in an attempt to shroud my uneasiness. “Yeah? Who then?”

“It’s so obvious!” Jeremy laughs, but not too loudly. “I wouldn’t have given up my MonoConan O’Brien vinyl figure if I had known it was going to be this easy!”

“Dude! Just tell me!” I could feel sweat running down my temples. Maybe he doesn’t know. Maybe he’s just acting like it’s obvious just so I’d tell him the name myself. But that’s just wishful thinking, isn’t it? He knows. He fucking knows and I’m going to be so embarrassed, I’ll never leave this basement again. He’ll feel sorry for me because I like a guy who’s completely way out of my league due to the undeniable truth that he’s straight. He’ll give me a sympathetic pat on the back as if I’m so miserable of that fact even though I’m really not.

Why did I agree to this?

And for what? For a limited vinyl figure that I could have bought online for $399.99?

Shit, I don’t have that kind of money. So maybe this _is_ kinda worth it-- _no fuck it’s not!_ Is my humiliation really worth $399.99?

“It’s Rich.” He finally says.

_Silence._

He thinks it’s Rich? Jeremy-- my best friend since kindergarten-- thinks I have a crush on the only guy who tormented me throughout high school? I almost laugh out loud but I bite it down. Immense relief washes over me and I try my best not to look too appeased by his answer. This is good, right? Sure, my own best friend probably thinks I have low standards but it’s better than him figuring out who I really like.

“H-Huh? Rich?” I try to sound nervous just to humor him. “What makes you say that?”

Now he looks even prouder with himself. “He’s in our grade. He had a recent terrible experience with fire. And it’s hard to say whether or not he still belongs in Jake’s circle.”

I blink twice at the latter part of his sentence. “You think it’s possible he’s not part of Jake’s circle anymore?”

“He _did_ almost burn down his house.”

Oh, right. Jeremy doesn’t know the full story because he doesn’t know Jake like I do. Jake never told him what really happened because they’re not exactly ‘buddies’. Especially after the whole feud over who Christine likes better.

“And,” He adds. “he recently came out as bisexual. So in a way, he and Dustin are good options for you.”

Rich _did_ come out as bisexual recently and that’s good. But now people are saying he only ‘came out’ because being bisexual is supposedly the trend these days. People are doubting him simply because he’s never gone out with a guy at all. Personally, I find the reasons of their doubts very shortsighted and unnecessary.

But at Jeremy’s words, I roll my eyes. I should have seen that coming. “Sure, but he still made most of my high school life a living hell.”

“Didn’t he already apologize to us about that?”

“Yeah, I know. But that doesn’t mean I should be friends with him.”

“So… I’m guessing I got it wrong?”

“I didn’t say that.” I lie. If I tell him that he guessed wrong, then there’s no one else he could think of but Jake.

“So I got it right!” He breathes out a laugh in victory, snapping his fingers as he does so. He looks so happy and pleased with his win that I almost feel bad for lying to him. “When did you start liking him? When he came out?”

“Do you think that’s the only likable thing about him?”

“Oh, whoops. Sorry.”

I chuckle. “I dunno, man. It just happened. It’s just a crush. I don’t like him as much as you like Christine. And by that, I mean don’t go doing something sneaky behind my back. This is just between you and me.”

“Why not try asking him to the dance? He’s very open about his sexuality now. Maybe he’d like to go with a guy this year.”

“Yyyeah no. Not gonna happen.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to be his walking proof of his bisexuality.”

“You don’t think he’s really bisexual?”

“It’s not that. I’m just tired of the whole idea that people pick on the members of the LGBT community just because they have their own battles to fight. I’m tired of being told that we are our own enemy.”

“Ohhh…” Jeremy is making that face where he pretends to understand what I’m saying even though he’s far from comprehending a single word I just said. I appreciate the effort though.

And as if on cue, Christine stirs awake. “Hm…? Movie’s over?”

Jeremy’s fond smile is back as he brushes her hair away from her face. “Yeah, you slept through it again.”

“Ugh, again? My bad.” Christine sits up, trying to blink the slumber out of her eyes. Her hair sticks out in different directions. I snicker at the sight but she just wrinkles her nose at me sleepily before brushing her hair with her fingers.

“Sorry for falling asleep. I was just so tired--”

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” I give her a reassuring smile. “I’ll just have to find something even more disgusting to watch-- something that’ll definitely keep you awake.”

“Now that’s a challenge.” Jeremy comments.

Luckily, Christine’s guilt is short-lived because a giggle slips out of her lips. “Well, okay. I’ll try looking for a movie that’s disgusting enough for me to stay awake too. But for now,” she looks at her boyfriend. “we should get going before my mom shoots me.”

“Right!” That immediately brings Jeremy up to his feet. Christine hands me back my hoodie with a sleepy ‘thank you.’

I walk them to our front door, but before they could take their leave, Jeremy gives me a look.

“I still think you should try.” He tells me.

I shrug. “Keep thinking then.”

He flicks my forehead and I flick his nose in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally finished writing my other BMC fic so I have more time to update this one! More Rich and Jake scenes in the next update, I swear.
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	4. The Kiss That Initiated the Chaos in My Life

# 04\. The Kiss That Initiated the Chaos in My Life

 _Fr: spawn of satan_  
_Message:_ _  
hey mell, jakes ready to go home. come pick him up._

Aside from that one text message he sent me which was about asking if he could copy my homework the following morning because his girlfriend at the time kept him up all night, Rich Goranski has never sent me a message until tonight. Did Jake tell him about our little arrangement even though he told me that I shouldn’t disclose it to my own best friend? That doesn’t seem fair. Nevertheless, I’m not petty enough to pretend I didn’t see the message just because he did the one thing we both swore we would never do.

I save my game and turn it off before grabbing my hoodie from my bed.

The drive to Dave’s place didn’t take long. I’ve been there before when we worked on a project together. He procrastinated a lot but still got half the credit for all the work I did. If I had the balls, I would have told our teacher about it, but I didn’t because I have no balls.

_Classic Michael Mell._

I pull over right in front of Dave’s house to see Jake sitting on the front porch with Rich by his side. Jake is bent down a bit, and his head is rested on his friend’s shoulder, his eyes closed. He appears to be mumbling something but Rich is far too invested on his phone to even pay attention. I don’t bother turning the engine off as I step down from my car and head over to the two.

I meet Rich’s eyes, and I give him a bordering-on-awkward wave of my hand.

“Finally.” He sighs, nudging Jake’s head off of his shoulder. “Hey, dude, Mell’s here.”

Jake slowly opens his eyes and looks up at me. The gorgeous grin he always uses to perfection is replaced by an almost dorky one. Either way, he’s still cute.

“Michael!” He says in a funny sing-song voice, getting up only to lose his balance and fall back down. Rich is quick to make sure he doesn’t hit his head. It’s weird seeing the blond with a genuine look of concern on his face; probably because I’m so used to seeing him goofing around with his friends or having a very angry frown on his features when things don’t go his way. I guess that look of concern is solely reserved for Jake which I can kind of understand. I rush over to Jake’s side and pull his arm over my shoulders before helping him up. I grunt as I do so because frankly, he weighs heavier than he looks.

“You got him?” Rich asks me as he stands up from the porch.

“Yeah, I got it from here.” I try to give him a smile, but Jake blocks my way by using his free hand to ruffle my hair which in turn leaves my glasses askew.

“You’re the best, Mike.” He plants a big wet smooch on my cheek. Not the first time he’s done that, and I never enjoyed it every time he did it. Of all the kisses I’ve imagined him giving me, a very messy drunk one never made it to the cut, and yet that’s the one I always have to live with. I hear Rich snickering at the sight, and I just make a face at him before wiping my cheek and adjusting my glasses.

“See ya then.” Rich turns to leave.

“You’re not going home yet?” I ask.

He glances at me with a slight look of surprise, and I’m almost certain I have the same look on my face. I don’t normally ask about his business, and I don’t know why I felt the need to change that for a second. Maybe because I assumed that he wants to go home as well seeing that he’s not as shitfaced as he usually is at parties. Not like I’ve ever seen him shitfaced. I just know through Jake’s stories.

Rich looks uncomfortable as his eyes dart from the party then back at me. Shit, did I make this weird?

He opens his mouth, but Jake beats him to it.

“Rich is looking for his boyfriend sooo…”

“D-Dude!” Rich exclaims in clear embarrassment.

Jake just laughs his friend’s humiliation off, but his answer has caught me far too off-guard just to let it go. Now my curiosity is piqued. Even though Rich has already come out as bisexual, I still find it very hard to imagine him being with a guy. Probably because he’s been with so many girls that the thought of him with a dude is almost too hard to picture.

“Really?” I raise my brows. “Who?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend, damn.” Rich rubs the back of his neck, that familiar frown of his etching its way on his lips. “I’m just looking for some dude who owes me.”

“Owes you what?” I ask.

“Why do you care?” His frown deepens.

And that’s that. He walks back to the party, leaving me with his hot best friend. I must have overstepped my boundaries.

Jake shakes his head, a goofy grin still plastered on his face. “Don’t mind him. He’s just having a bad night.”

“No shit.” I sigh. “C’mon, let’s go.”

* * *

 "Oh, God…” Jake makes a very sexual sound the second he drops himself on my bed, a wide, satisfied grin spread across his stupid gorgeous face. “Your bed is amazing, man. It’s like… like lying on a cloud, you know what I mean? It’s like being a baby again and you’re just resting against your own mother’s warm bosom without a care in the world.”

Sometimes, _just sometimes,_ I find him less attractive the more he talks. But I know it’s the booze that’s pushing those words out so I can’t really blame him.

I plop down beside him with a slight bounce and pop open the can of beer he got for me. I shouldn’t be drinking at three in the morning but it’s a Saturday, and I managed to convince my mom earlier that I can’t go to church with them tomorrow because of homework. She bought it, weirdly enough. She knows I always finish all of my homework every Friday after school so I can have the whole weekend to myself.

Maybe she just understands that I need a break, but who knows? Moms are unpredictable. Sometimes you think they don’t know you well enough when in fact, they do. Then sometimes it’s vice versa. My mom, in particular, is a wild card.

“Chloe was all over Dave, you know.” Jake says, wrinkling his nose in apparent disgust. Or at least I think it’s disgust. My room is awfully dark saved for that one dimly lit lamp sitting on my side table near the jock.  “She’s clearly doing it to get under my skin.”

I roll my eyes before chugging my drink. I’m not in the mood to talk about his ex-girlfriend when he obviously doesn’t like her as much as he likes to let on. Instead, I ask: “Who’s this guy Rich was looking for earlier? He was acting weird.”

Jake lets out a lazy laugh. “Oh man, it’s a long story.”

It’s a better topic than Chloe though. “I’m listening.”

“Then _fuckle_ your seatbelt ‘cause this long story is about to get exciting.”

“Whoa, really?”

“Fuck no.” Jake snorts out a laugh in disbelief. Then he cocks a brow at me with incredulity. “I’m not gonna tell you about my bro’s business. That goes against the bro code.”

“Well, I don’t wanna talk about how jealous you are of Chloe’s new boy toy.” I say honestly, annoyance rising inside me. He didn’t have to give me that judgmental look as though I’m Jenna Rolan of all people. I don’t normally like meddling in other people’s business. “You guys are so on and off; I swear you two could have come off as Disney Channel characters.”

Jake frowns at that, but he doesn’t seem serious. “She’ll be back. I know she will.”

I roll my eyes again. “Sure.”

Then we stay quiet for a while. Jake just stares at the ceiling, sometimes drawing circles in the air with his finger while I finish up my drink just to open my second one. I don’t even mind the sudden silence. I still find it way better than talking about Chloe who is a very tired topic for me at this point. I’m just glad Jake got the message and dropped it.

Just when I’m halfway through my drink, he speaks up.

“Let’s say there’s no chance of Chloe and I getting back together--”

“Ugh, Jake--”

“No no, let me finish.” He sits up and faces me, blinking more than normal. “Let’s say there’s no chance of Chloe and I getting back together. Who do you think I should go for then?”

“Are you serious?” I sigh and stare back at him in disbelief. “Do you really need a girlfriend 24/7?”

“Uh, yeah?” He answers like I just asked him the dumbest question he’s ever heard, but I’m more than certain he’s heard far worse from his own best friend. “I’ve been single before, and it’s downright boring. What am I supposed to do with my free time?”

“Hang out with your friends.”

“I can’t make out with my friends.”

“Says who?”

My question must have embarrassed him because he immediately looks away and scratches his head, shrugging his shoulders. Jake always wears his heart on his sleeve which makes him very easy to read. It’s one of the things about him that I absolutely love. Life’s too short to be figuring someone out, and I don’t want to waste my time exerting so much effort in unraveling other people’s puzzles.

But this is the first time I’ve seen Jake coming off as a bit ashamed of what he could possibly be thinking. It’s amusing to say the least.

“What are you getting so embarrassed about all of a sudden?” I tease with a snicker. I move closer to him to get a better look at his face but the second I did so, he turns to face me, and we end up staring at each other at very close proximity.

His lips are so close; I could touch it in a split second.

I don’t move away because I don’t want to. I have never been this close to him before. I thought he’ll be the first one to pull back and laugh this strange moment off, but he doesn’t. He just stares right back at me with a look of dilemma in his eyes. I watch him swallow as I trail my eyes down to his lips. I can’t tell if it’s because of the beer or not, but I could feel my heart racing in sheer anticipation.

But what the hell am I even anticipating for? This is Jake Dillinger. He’s probably the most stereotypical heterosexual guy I know. This is the guy who says ‘no homo’ on a daily basis and finds it damaging to his ego if he’s left without a girl clinging to his arm.

What could I possibly get out of this moment?

“Do I have something on my face?” He asks, his voice notably shaky.

“In a few minutes, hopefully my lips on yours.”

“What?”

“What?”

I pull back. He pulls back.

Cue the thick uncomfortable tension in the air.

How _the fuck_ did those words slip past my lips? I meant to say it as a joke but it must have come out wrong. I look down at my almost empty beer before immediately putting it down on the floor like my life depends on it. Then I just stare forward, my heart racing faster than it was mere seconds ago. From the corner of my sight, I could see Jake scratching his head again.

“So…” He clears his throat. I want to get knocked out right now. “What’s up with Christine? Is she single now?”

He literally just mentioned earlier in the afternoon how Jeremy’s lucky to be dating Christine. He really must have frantically grabbed onto whatever topic his mind could think of first without a second thought. I fucked up. I majorly fucked up.

“She’s still with Jeremy.” I say the obvious.

“Oh. Sucks.”

“Yep.”

“She has weird taste in guys then.”

“Hey now--”

“I’m kidding.” He laughs a little and that’s enough to somewhat ease the tension between us. “Now that I’ve thought about it, I have no idea what kind of guys you’re into.”

“That’s because I never talk about it.” I point out with an attempt of a nonchalant shrug but it only came out sheepish. I didn’t join the theatre club to be an actor anyway so sue me.

“Got your eye on anyone?” I could hear the teasing smile in his voice.

I muster up the courage to direct my eyes at him and just as I thought, he’s watching me with a look of interest. His wide goofy smile is back again. I bet he’d regret making that face when he’s sober, or maybe Rich’s goofiness is starting to have its inescapable impact on him. Nevertheless, it’s hard to say whether or not his interest is based on nothing but genuine curiosity or perhaps _he’s hinting_ at something.

I’m sure the latter is just wishful thinking from my part.

“Maybe.” I decide to be cryptic about it.

“Is it someone I know?”

“I think you know him well enough.”

He’s quiet for a second or two. “You’re not gonna tell me who he is, huh?”

“You’re not exactly my best friend, Jake.”

“Jeremy knows?”

“Jeremy knows everything about me.”

“You certainly know how to keep a guy interested, I’ll give you that.” He chuckles, and I feel my cheeks warm up at his compliment. Or was that even a compliment?

“What’s he like?” He asks anyway as he slouches back against the headboard, drumming his fingers on his stomach patiently.

“Hot.” I say without a second thought. Then I look back on that answer before adding to it. “ _Really_ hot.”

“It’s me, isn’t it?”

Right away, I choke on my own saliva. I cough and gasp as I look away from him, pounding my chest and trying my very best to get that strained feeling out of my throat. I feel Jake rubbing my back but for some reason, that just makes me feel even more uncomfortable so I draw away from him. I grab my beer from the floor and chug it down again, only to realize that that didn’t help at all and I cough some more like some broken down old man about to breathe his last.

After what felt like forever, I finally manage to get a hold of my breathing and I heave a deep heavy sigh.

Jake laughs from behind me. “Is that a yes?” He asks, clearly finding this amusing.

“D-Don’t…” I start, wiping the sweat off of my forehead. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Please.” He scoffs. “I couldn’t think of anyone hotter than me.”

“You’re so sure of yourself, huh, hotshot?” I look back at him, trying not to look impressed.

Then he beams at me and I could see why he’s so sure of himself. He looks like someone who has impeccable charm and is completely aware of it which is why he always uses it to his advantage. That smile has won so many hearts, even Chloe Valentine’s-- our school’s Ice Queen. Whenever I see them together in the hallway, I noticed that Chloe’s usually cold exterior melts by the mere sight of the guy she’s been dating on and off since the ninth grade.

Jake may think she only uses him as a safe option, but anyone could tell he means more to her than he thinks.

I try not to fall for his smile again by grabbing the nearest pillow I could get my hands on and throw it to his face. He looks at me, feigning an offended look but there’s laughter in his eyes. Before I could even give a clever quip, he suddenly throws the pillow back at me and tackles me down against the mattress. His fingers jab at my sides and I suddenly start laughing hard, my hand coming up to push him off only to have it pinned down above my head. I use my other hand to push him off by the shoulder.

Except I don’t push him off.

Because he’s lost his balance and almost crashes down onto me until he catches himself, his elbows by my sides and our faces just as close as they were earlier.

I could see the dilemma in his eyes again. This is one of those rare times where he doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve. His expression is beyond unreadable. But when his eyes trace down to my lips, I suddenly feel my heart skip a beat.

What is he thinking?

What am _I_ thinking?

He’s not going to kiss me. That would be too much of a risk for him. His parents are conservatives and Chloe’s out there waiting for him to try and get her back again. His life is every douchey jock’s dream and he’s living it without a problem. He would never risk all of that just because he’s probably curious. Or maybe he’s more than curious.

No, I shouldn’t think that. I should push him off.

But again, I don’t push him off.

Because I see him hesitantly closing the distance between us until his lips are pressed against mine.

As embarrassing as it is to admit it, I could feel a fervent flutter in my chest and in my stomach as I kiss him back right away. The contact feels softer and slower than I expected but I’m not complaining. Any traces of logic in my mind just took off the second I feel his hand squeezing my hip, his movements getting bolder and impatient with every passing second. I feel warm and worked up as I try to keep up with his hasty pace. When I felt him silently spurring me to part my lips more, I do so but not without hearing myself accidentally let out a low moan.

As if something just clicked, Jake suddenly pulls back and stares down at me. Realization dawns into his eyes and he immediately jerks away. My heart drops to my stomach at the gesture but I try not to look too disappointed as I quickly sit up, warmth spreading across my cheeks. I try to look anywhere but the dumbfounded guy in front of me who is most likely feeling uneasy and regretting what just happened.

Shit. I should’ve pushed him off, then maybe he would have been the only one at fault here for kissing me.

I just _had_ to kiss him back like some lovestruck teenager in a cheesy YA novel.

“Wow.” I try to laugh but it doesn’t sound right. “We must be freaking hammered.”

Jake doesn’t say anything. His silence is killing me.

I finally gaze at him only to find him looking over at the window. Then he looks back at me and clears his throat. He couldn’t even try to fake a smile. He thinks this is really fucked up.

“I uh,” He starts, his hand digging into the pocket of his jeans. “I should probably go.”

“What?” I react too quickly against my better judgment. “You don’t have to. That was just--”

“I really need to go.” He gets up from the bed and straightens his jacket.

“W-Where are you going?” I ask. “What about your parents?”

“I’ll stay over at Rich’s.” He doesn’t look at me. “See ya.”

He doesn’t leave any more room for discussion by walking out right away, leaving me alone with my frazzled nerves. He shuts the door on his way out and I just stare at it. Thoughts of how I could have avoided this cloud my head and strikes me a headache. Something inside me aches and I feel so tired all of a sudden.

Fuck my life.

* * *

There’s nobody I could talk to about what happened. How can I even recount that without sounding like I've become someone’s shameful secret? I tried not to text or call Jake the next day. In fact, I never stepped out of the house at all in fear of bumping into him and getting tangled in what would inevitably be the most uncomfortable conversation ever. Jeremy and Christine came over that day and I’d like to think I did a pretty good job pretending that everything’s fine and dandy.

There was a moment where Christine said I looked like I was lost in my own world, but her attention on that didn’t linger long as expected.

But today is Monday and I know that I will have to face Jake sooner or later.

“Why are you so quiet today?” Micah, my twelve-year-old brother, questions me skeptically from where he’s sitting on the passenger seat.

“Quiet?” I breathe out a nervous laugh while keeping my eyes on the road. “I’m an ISFP. That’s expected of me.”

“ISFP? Is that a gay thing?”

“Everything’s a gay thing, Micah.”

“Gross.”

Without taking my eyes off the road, I reach out and mess with his hair to which he laughs and pushes my hand away. Just hearing my brother’s familiar pestering and laughter is enough to make me feel a little better. He then changes the topic and just starts talking about his ideal way to celebrate his birthday since it’s coming up. I could tell he’s just trying to distract me from whatever has been occupying my mind but as much as I appreciate his efforts, I still find my attention going back to the situation I’ve dragged myself into.

I drop him off at his school with the promise of an ice cream cake on his birthday before heading to my next _cursed_ destination.

When I got to the school’s parking lot, I immediately catch sight of Jake and Rich near Rich’s truck. My first instinct is to duck down and hide but then I realize how dumb that would have looked like. I’m literally the only student here who drives a PT Cruiser. Driving this to school is like having a **_LOSER_ ** sign on my head big enough to be seen from Google Earth.

As I drive in, I see Jake muttering something to Rich before hastily taking his leave as though he’s late for class even though class doesn’t start for twenty more minutes. Wait, did he tell Rich what happened? And if he did, how did he say it? What if he said I was the one who came onto him? Or am I just associating him with the stereotypical closeted jock? I really fucking hope it’s the latter. Watching him leave hastily after seeing me stings though.

I pull the hood of my hoodie up and hop out of my vehicle before walking towards the school building as fast as I could in an attempt to avoid Rich. Rich doesn’t usually approach me but somehow, I feel like today is an exception.

And I'm right.

“Yo, Mell!” He catches up to me, his thumbs digging into the pockets of his tacky camo pants. “What’s the hurry?”

I flinch at the question, but that’s because that question used to be paired with a hard painful jab to my stomach. But then I remember Rich is supposedly a “changed man” now. He doesn’t even lay a finger on me. That doesn’t change the fact that his presence still makes me anxious though. I know I should work on that but it’s a work in progress.

“I’m meeting my friends by the lockers.” I say, pulling my hood tighter over my head just to block him out of my sight.

“Did something happen between you and Jake?” He gets straight to the point. He doesn’t tiptoe around anything, apparently. “Doesn’t he normally stay over at your place every after party? He kinda ruined my night when he called me out of the blue, telling me to call it a night and to pick him up from your place.”

Does this mean Jake didn’t tell him anything? Or maybe Rich just wants to hear the story from my own lips?

One thing’s for certain though: Jake did tell him about our secret arrangement.

“Ohh…” I stall. “He probably… got annoyed that I was asking too many questions.”

“Questions? About what?”

“About who your boyfriend is.” Maybe that will make him uncomfortable enough to leave me alone.

“You’re still on that?” He groans in clear annoyance. I don’t have to look at him to know that he has his signature frown stitched on his lips. “What did he tell you?”

“Nothing, obviously.” I shrug. “He’d rather leave than tell me your business.”

Anyone who knows me well has always told me that I’ve never been a good liar. When I came out to my parents, they didn’t even act surprised. Dad said he figured that out when I told him I wanted to marry Jeremy when we were five. I don’t really remember that happening but he said it did. Micah, on the other hand, just responded with _“No shit, Sherlock.”_

Then he got scolded by our dad for his language.

When I came out to Jeremy, he just sighed and admitted that he had been wondering how long I was going to keep hiding it from him. That disbelieving yet patronizing smile he used to show me whenever I would say that I might have a crush on a girl made more sense after that.

In short, my coming out story wasn’t as Academy Award-winning as I thought it would be.

But for some reason, my poor acting just flies over Rich’s head.

“Man, I should treat Jake to Sbarro later for being a cool dude.” He says.

“Yeah.” I don’t know what else to say.

I thought that was the end of our conversation, but Rich is _still_ walking with me as we near the school building.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” I sigh and stop my tread to look at him. I don’t want Jeremy and Christine to see me walking with him. It will raise too many questions and the last thing I need right now is a conversation that might lead up to talking about Jake.

Rich doesn’t appear to appreciate my tone. He rolls his eyes and pats my shoulder. Miraculously enough, I don’t flinch at the touch.

“If you see Dustin, tell him to call me.” He doesn’t give me a chance to ask any questions for he walks off right after that. He meets up with Brooke and Jake by the stairs. I just watch him for a second or two, his words slowly digesting in my mind.

Dustin? Does he owe Rich something?

When I catch Jake’s gaze, I immediately look away and head off to the lockers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate scene:  
> Jake: Is there something on my face?  
> Michael: In a few minutes, hopefully my ass


	5. The Imperfectly Impromptu Deceit

# 05\. The Imperfectly Impromptu Deceit

Let me tell you something that not a lot of people know: Jeremy and I weren’t always a two-person squad. There were actually six of us: Jeremy, Rich, Dustin, Brooke, Madeline, and me. Our pure, exemplary friendship started way back when we were in the fourth grade and ended by the time we reached the eighth grade. It was a harmless time where we didn’t care about the impractical standards society will soon supply our fragile prepubescent minds. Sometimes, when I look back on those days, I find myself missing that part of my life the most.

Things were just so much easier when you’re a kid. You see your mom popping in some pills; she tells you she’s eating happy candy and no, you can’t have one. You go home from a field trip only to realize your pet hamster is missing; your dad tells you she left to start a family of her own. You have a big school play and your dad misses it; he says he had to stop a bank robbery and become the Superman you always knew he was.

Living in ignorant bliss was the best part of being a kid. But the older you grow, the clearer everything gets and you just end up feeling stupid. You realize that your mom is taking antidepressants. Your pet hamster didn’t start a new life-- she lost it.

And your dad completely forgot about your school play because he was far too preoccupied in having an affair with your mom’s best friend.

Those aren’t my stories though, but they’re pretty good examples to validate my point. Living in ignorant bliss was a luxury I didn’t get to treasure enough before I started to change and become more aware of all the shit life throws at us.

Out of our entire squad, I think Rich is the one who changed the most.

Before there was a Rich Goranski, there was once a _Dick Goranski._ He hated that nickname but it was the one his mom came up with and he loved his mom too much to protest.

He used to be so nervous all the time with a lisp that was hard to ignore unless you grew up with him. He was the art nerd in our group. Wherever he went, he always had his book bag with him just in case he needed to whip out his sketchpad if inspiration hit him. He drew me a polar bear once when I told him it was my favorite animal. He gave it to me on my birthday.

Brooke was always his muse though.

He also used to have dark curls that were always a mess on his head and a pair of thick glasses that made his nose look bigger. He was far from the blond, cocky, and brawny guy that he is today. He even has a streak of red dyed in the middle of his hair now. He probably thinks he looks cool with it while I beg to differ.

He doesn’t look like Dick anymore, but he certainly looks like a cock now.

 _A_ _rooster_ , if you will.

But he’s also kind of a dick.

He was the last person to join our little circle. I can still remember Dustin bringing him over to my basement one day just when Madeline and I were in a middle of an argument over whether Buttercup from The Powerpuff Girls was a boy or not. I did think that character was a boy at the time which sounds silly now, I know.

Jeremy was too busy setting up his Dungeon Master’s screen to try and break us apart while Brooke was preoccupied with this weird romantic graphic novel she was so obsessed with back then.

“Hey guys,” Dustin interrupted our bickering once he reached the bottom of the stairs with his new companion tagging along behind him. “I hope you don’t mind me bringing the new kid over.”

Dick just gave us a very nervous smile.

“Of course we don’t mind!” Brooke beamed, proudly showing off her braces. “The more, the merrier!”

“What’s your name again, new boy?” Madeline questioned somewhat skeptically as she toys with her afro puffs, her words still dripping with her thick French accent.

“Um…” Dick hesitated as he turned to Dustin like he was silently asking for help.

Dustin seemed to have gotten the message. “You can call him Dick. He’s a Pisces though so be careful.”

“Hey Dick.” I greeted the newbie with a quick wave of my hand. “Do you play D&D?”

“Err…” Dick rubs his arm. “I’ve… never tried it.”

“I’ll explain it to you.” Jeremy was quick to his feet, immediately reaching for the folder where he kept all the necessary character sheets. “It’d be nice if we could have a Grung for this campaign.”

Dustin nudged Dick to our direction and after another moment of hesitation, he joined us.

We liked him right away. He was a fast learner and way funnier than I thought. The way he looked at Brooke was also fascinating. He was even kind enough to draw our D&D characters which I still keep in my drawer because he gave my Tiefling a mohawk and it looks really cool.

Dustin eventually became his best friend-- much like how Brooke and Madeline were and how Jeremy and I still are. They were inseparable. Dustin was kind of our leader in a sense that he was always the one who came up with exciting games and somehow always managed to find places no one had ever been to, such as that one time when he saw this creepy abandoned playground just right behind his dad’s warehouse.

Dick was his second-in-command, or at least that’s what he called him. But everyone knew he only gave him that title to help him with his self-confidence. Nevertheless, it didn’t take a genius to see that he favored his best friend more than the rest of us. I remember Madeline getting so jealous of Dick that at one point, she invited him to her birthday party but only to give him the wrong address.

Dick went missing all night that day.

I eventually found him inside a church, sitting by himself on one of the pews and crying his eyes out. He still had his gift for Madeline in his hands. It turned out he had been walking around for _hours_ looking for Madeline’s birthday party before eventually realizing that she didn’t want him there at all. He got lost and wound up in the church instead which made sense. The place probably made him feel safe.

“Sorry, I’ll stop crying now.” He told me after a few minutes of the two of us just sitting next to each other in silence.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” I said. “my mom always says it’s healthy to get your emotions out whenever you can.”

“We’re boys, Michael.” He sniffled as he tugged the collar of his shirt to wipe his nose. “Boys aren’t supposed to cry.”

“I cry all the time but my wang didn’t go anywhere.”

That elicited a light chuckle out of him.

He then made me promise not to tell anyone that I saw him crying, and I have always been a man of my word. When we got back, Madeline gave him the tightest hug I have ever seen her give anyone. Much like Dick earlier, she was crying hard and apologizing over and over again.

And just like that, her jealousy was over and they were back to being good friends again.

I can’t even remember how we all drifted away from each other. It just happened. The next thing I know, Dick goes by the name of Rich now and he’s apparently best friends with my boy-next-door crush. Brooke hangs more with Chloe who Madeline never liked. Madeline formed her own circle of friends, and Dustin is just always in the background. Sometimes he comes out when you need him, and sometimes he’s just _there_.

It’s almost like our childhood together never happened.

Perhaps it’s because the more we grew up, the more we stepped out of that ignorant bliss, and the more we stepped out, the more we started losing our tolerance for each other.

I’m just lucky I still have Jeremy with me. Plus, we also have Christine now so I guess you could say this is a total upgrade.

* * *

“Arizona Man Arrested After Shooting at the Moon,” Jeremy reads a screenshot of a news headline from his phone. “It says he was high on marijuana.”

“God is hinting my future.” I say as I wave my fork in the air.

“Alexander Hamilton died for that man.” Christine shakes her head.

“Christine!” Brooke squeals in a very high-pitched tone as she hurries over to our lunch table, a wide grin spread across her pink, glossed lips. She slides to my side and almost bumps me off my seat. Either she didn’t notice or just doesn’t care, she maintains her eyes on our friend. “Are you free after school? I really need your help with something.”

Christine stares back at her with a puzzled look. Brooke has always been friendly with her, but not to the extent that she’d want to hang out with her. “Um, okay. What is it?”

“I need you to help me…” Brooke suddenly stops and looks at me, then at Jeremy, then slowly back at Christine. She leans in closer to her but that seems pointless when she doesn’t even lower her voice down. “...shop for the perfect dress for the dance.”

“What about Chloe?” Christine asks with a slight tilt of her head. “Not like I’m turning you down, of course. I just--”

“Dave asked her to the dance so now she wants to spend the entire day with him.”

“O-Oh… well…” Christine then diverts her gaze at me and I immediately know what she’s thinking. Ever since the school’s theatre club went short on members, Christine lost her own circle of friends. It sometimes makes me wonder if the only reason she hangs out with us is the possible fact that she’s left with no other options.

I shrug anyway, feeling a bit uncomfortable by the sudden obligation to speak up when their conversation has nothing to do with me. “You don’t need our permission, Chrissy. You should go if you want.”

Christine then looks at Jeremy who flinches at the attention. He clears his throat and just nods his head in agreement. That seems to be good enough for her because she looks back at the blonde again with a shy but eager smile.

“Okay, I-I’ll help you out!”

Brooke squeals again and reaches over the table to hug her. I quickly grab my drink out of her way.

“Thanks, Chrissy!” Brooke kisses Christine on her cheek, and I try not to get _too_ bothered by how she just used my nickname for my petite friend. Just as she pulls back, she glances at Jeremy with narrowed eyes. “I hope you know that just because you’re dating her doesn’t mean you don’t have to ask her to the dance.”

“I uh, I did ask her.” Jeremy gives her a shaky smile.

I don’t think Brooke is getting the hint that nobody on this table is comfortable to have her around. It’s not like her to join us out of nowhere.

Unless she has an ulterior motive.

Suspicious, I look back over my shoulder and immediately meet Chloe’s stare from her own table. She’s distinctly unapologetic for staring because she cocks her brow at me as if daring me to do something about it. Unintentionally, I catch Jake’s eyes as well but he’s quick to look away and nod at whatever Rich is telling him. That makes me feel even worse.

“What about you, Mikey?” Brooke suddenly bumps my shoulder with hers. “Have you asked anyone to the dance yet? Or are you the type of gay who likes to be asked first?”

_The type of gay._

She really is going out of her way to make everyone uneasy.

I shake my head. “Neither. I’m gonna be spending most of the night taking pictures of everyone anyway.”

Feigning a shudder, Brooke makes a _yikes_ face. “That sounds lonely.”

“It’s really not. I know it’ll still be fun with or without a date.”

“Sounds like something a lonely person would say.”

“What if Dustin asks you to the dance?” Christine pipes in. I could already see the gears being set into motion behind the immediate gleam of interest in her eyes. “Would you say yes?”

“You and Dustin would be _so_ cute.” Brooke says as she brushes something off my shoulder. “Being the only gays in our school, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have anyone to go to the dance with.”

I’m also pretty sure we’re not the only gay guys in our school but I know better than to say that out loud. I don’t like starting any arguments, especially with a girl. They always have their facts checked. And when they do bust out those facts, they do it with a touch of sass and I’m not ready to be burned in front of everyone in the cafeteria. Instead, I glance over at Jeremy as some silent plea for him to help me out of their interrogation. He doesn’t look so sure on what he should do. But as if a light bulb just lit up over his head, he straightens up.

“I-I need to go to the men’s room!” He says too loudly. Without another word, he leaves our table.

It’s always fight or flight for that guy.

And it’s always the latter.

“Do you want me to text Dustin right now and ask if he’s seeing anyone?” Brooke asks me as she waves her phone in the air.

“ _Please_ don’t do that.” I try to sound as polite as possible. “Dustin’s my weedman. That would be too weird. And even if he asks me to the dance, I’d just say no.”

“You’d really rather go to the dance alone?” Christine asks.

“That’s so sad.” Brooke clicks her tongue. “Or are you scared that people might stare at you if you go with a guy?”

That’s _partly_ the reason, but I’m not going to give her the satisfaction that she’s right. Instead, I stand up from my seat and pick up my tray. “I’m gonna go use the restroom.” Not the best excuse since it came from Jeremy, but it’s what I have left. Brooke looks like she still has something to say but I avoid that by immediately leaving the table.

* * *

The first thing I see upon stepping into the men’s room is the word **VANDAL** in large red letters on the wide mirror above the sinks. I can’t tell if the person who wrote it thought he was funny, high, or just plain stupid. Jeremy is just standing awkwardly by the sinks. When he sees me, he gives me a look of disbelief.

“What took you so long?” He asks.

I blink. “Uh… were we supposed to meet here?”

“Yes! What I said is code for _I’m helping you get outta here._ ”

I close the door behind me. “You mean, when you said that you needed to use the men’s room, that’s code for you telling me to follow you?”

“Yeah!”

“I thought that only applies to girls.”

“You thought wrong.”

I laugh. I can always rely on Jeremy to demolish the barriers between genders, even if he looks like a lovable idiot while doing so. I walk over to one of the sinks to wash my hands, trying my very best to ignore my friend's stare. I don’t have to ask to know what’s going through his mind. Being able to read him is a badge of honor I wear with great pride. Jeremy always strives to please others before himself. Most people can never tell whether he’s upset over something or not because he will never voice it out in fear that he might ruin their day. Even Christine has trouble figuring him out at times.

Before he can even ask, I give him my answer.

“No, I’m not going to ask Rich to the dance.”

“What--” He sputters. “I wasn’t going to say that.”

“Yeah, sure.” I make a _pfft_ sound.

“What Brooke said did get me thinking though. What are you going to do if Dustin does ask you to the dance?”

“I would rather lick the floor of the men’s room at a gas station than go with Dustin.”

Jeremy grimaces. “Geez, thanks for the image.”

I grin at him. “You’re welcome.” I then shake the water off my hands towards his direction.

He shrieks and jumps out of the way. “Michael, I’m serious!”

I laugh at him. “So am I! If Dustin asks me, I will literally lick the floor of the--”

The door swings open and I stop to see Jake and Rich walking in. Immediate tension locks my body and I just stare at Jake, memories of what happened that night flooding my mind. This is it. This is the awkward encounter I’ve been dreading all day. Jeremy and Rich are going to catch on and they’re going to start asking questions. What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to react?

Rich just waves at us almost lazily while he heads straight for one of the urinals.

“Oh, hey dudes.” Jake smiles at us-- the smile he continually uses to perfection. The kind of smile that says _‘I-was-never-drunk-last-Saturday-night-because-I’m-such-a-good-boy._ ’

I’m stumped.

But I’m also in a panic.

I’m not ready to face him, and I’m not prepared to pretend like nothing happened.

So I did what any logical human being would do in such a situation: I run out.

I don’t even have a destination in mind. I just keep running and running as my heart hammers hard and rapid in my chest. I hear Jeremy calling after me but I don’t look back. I _can’t_ look back knowing that Jake is nearby. As soon as I wind up at the courtyard, I skid my steps to a halt. I only realize now how much I’ve been sweating from the run. Not just normal light perspiring-- we’re talking about the kind when Jeremy met Christine for the first time and he had to constantly run his hand over his forehead just to make sure no beads of sweat rolled down to his nose.  

I take my glasses off and wipe my face with the sleeve of my hoodie before heading towards the water fountain to relieve my parched throat.

“What the heck happened there?” I hear Jeremy’s voice from behind me.

I take a few more gulps of water first, then I straighten up and turn to face him. “What happened where?”

He frowns, and it’s a serious frown. “Why did you bolt out like that? I get that you have a crush on Rich but you’ve never run away from him. Not even when he used to torment us day by day.”

Great, I’m getting another interrogation. I brought this onto myself.

“It’s… a long story.” I gesture my hand vaguely in the air with a shrug. “Anyways, where’s Christine? We should probably save her from Brooke if we--”

“You’re not changing the subject, Michael.” Jeremy crosses his arms over his chest as if he thinks that will make him look domineering, but he just ends up looking so endearing. “There’s something you’re not telling me and that goes against the bro code.”

“What the hell is this bro code anyway?” I sigh exasperatedly as I put my glasses back on. “Where is this code? Why have I not been briefed regarding this exacting bro code that is _clearly_ of vital importance?”

“Tell me what’s going on.”

“Nothing’s going on.”

“Then why did you run away?”

“Why did _you_ run away?”

“Because you ran away!”

“Did I though?”

“Michael!”

“Jeremy.”

“What’s going on?” A familiar voice butts in and we look off to the side to find Dustin giving us a very inquisitive look. His long dark wavy hair is more of a mess than usual which indicates he had been sleeping somewhere instead of having his lunch at the cafeteria. Those prominent bags under his eyes tell me he needed that nap anyway.

“Nothing.” I answer him quickly before Jeremy could. “We’re just having our typical lovers’ quarrel.”

“Oh.” Dustin slings the strap of his weirdly light backpack over his shoulder, his eyes still droopy with sleep. “Well, you two better keep it to a minimum. You two are, like, close to making a scene.”

“We wouldn’t be making a scene if--” Jeremy starts but I cut him off.

“Rich is looking for you, by the way.” I tell Dustin. “He said you should call him.”

“Oh.” Dustin says again. I don’t think my words are registering fast enough in his mind because he just stares at nothing for a second or two before returning to Earth. “What were you two fighting about?”

Ah. I guess he has his own topic to avoid.

“I want to know what _Michael,_ ” Jeremy gives me a very pointed look. “is running away from.”

“We all have shadows we want to run away from, Jeremy.” Dustin pats Jeremy’s shoulder, his hand stained with dry red paint. “Michael has his shadows. I have my shadows. And even _you_ have your own shadows. But like an actual shadow, they will always be with us wherever we go. We either have to accept it and move on or live in constant fear for the rest of our lives. We can’t live in fear anymore. We think we know our shadows but we don’t. And do you know why we don’t? Because the government doesn’t want us to know, those corrupted bastards. That’s how the terrorists win, ya know?”

Jeremy stares at him. _"W_ _hat?_ ”

“Yes, exactly.” Dustin smiles approvingly. Then he just walks off without another word.

Yep, that’s my weedman.

“Michael.” Jeremy isn’t so easily distracted like I am. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s not a big deal, all right?” I finally answer his question. “Why do you wanna know so badly?”

“If it’s not a big deal, then why don’t you just tell me?”

“Because it’s not a big deal!”

“It is if you don’t want to tell me!”

“It’s really not!”

“It is!”

“Not!”

“Is!”

“Fine! I ran away because my oh-so-longtime-crush Rich asked me to the dance and I don’t have an answer for him yet! Is that _scandalous_ enough for you, buddy?!”

I didn’t even realize what I just said until I hear Jenna Rolan behind me.

“What?” She hurries to my side, her phone in one hand and the other already gripping my arm tightly. “Did you just say what I think you said?”

_Shit. Fuck. Goddammit._

“No no no no no no.” I immediately shake my head. “I was just--”

“Rich Goranski asked you to the dance?” She asks with sheer excitement.

“No! That’s not--”

“That’s what I heard!”

“Yeah, I know that! But--”

“Holy shit, he did! Congratulations! I’m so happy for ya’ll!” She leaves no room for my explanation because she races away to tell everyone what she just heard most likely.

“Fucking hell, Jenna!” I call out as I run after her. But then I remember my best friend and I stop, turning around to look back at him. Jeremy is just standing there, seemingly thrown off by what just happened. Then he looks at me with his brows furrowed in deep thought.

“Why don’t you have an answer for him yet?” He asks me. “I mean, if you like someone, wouldn’t you be thrilled to have that someone ask you to the dance?”

I sigh. “Jere, Rich didn’t--”

“I’m happy for you, Mickey Mouse!” Someone suddenly hugs me from behind and the fact that this person’s breasts are pressing against my back is making me more uncomfortable than I already am. “I saw this coming years ago, you know.”

“What?” I pry away from her embrace and turn to face Madeline who’s still donning her signature afro puffs. “What are you talking about?”

“You and Rich!” She winks at me. “It’s cool that you guys can be together in public now. Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been crushing on him this whole time?”

First of all, Madeline has _never_ talked to me ever since we all drifted away to different cliques. I don’t know why she suddenly wants to talk to me now. And second, how the hell did she know about my fucked up lie when Jenna just left _merely_ _a minute_ ago? But before I could even say anything, she beats me to it.

“Can’t wait to see you two at the dance. Bye, love ya.” She blows me a kiss and quickly walks back to her friends who are all giggling and staring at me.

I hate my life.

“Man.” Jeremy says, sounding a bit annoyed. “Word travels fast. Sorry about this, Michael. I didn’t mean to make you shout that.”

“It’s fine.” This isn’t Jeremy’s fault. He was just worried about me and I told him the dumbest lie I could think of. “I need to find Rich.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“No, dude. Go find Christine. I’ll join you guys in a sec.”

My top priority right now is to find Rich before the whispers reach him. One bad reaction from him and I know everyone is going to see me as that one gay kid who let his fantasies run a little too wild.

I just fucking hope he's not with Jake right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not much but I promise it gets better! Also, I know there are popular headcanons about what Dustin and Madeline look like but I want to be a little creative! (Not that I'm saying those popular headcanons aren't creative though. I just want to try something different!)
> 
> Also, Dick Goranski makes a comeback lmao 
> 
> Please please please leave comments and let me know what you like and don't like about this update! Honestly, I prefer comments over kudos because they're way more motivating for me! ^^


	6. The Red Thread of Fate

# 06\. The Red Thread of Fate

Nobody knows how Rich and Jake became friends, but I know how they met. I was there. I could still remember everything about that day from the unbearable summer heat bouncing off the walls of our house to Dick being the only kid in our circle who didn’t have plans for the summer. My family and I were supposed to spend half the summer at Ecuador but there was an abrupt change of plans that had something to do with Micah catching an abnormally high fever.

Dick came over one afternoon and mom gave us the responsibility of refilling the mini fridge in the basement with popsicles and refreshments. We had our shirts off to cool down our bodies but it did no justice because sweat still beaded on our foreheads and rolled down to our chins.

“Okay, I have another one,” I said as I opened the last box of strawberry popsicles. They were the kind that had strawberry bits frozen in them. They were Brooke’s favorite. “would you rather eat a bowl of steamed snot-filled dumplings or drink a tall glass of an old man’s phlegm?”

“Gross.” Dick shuddered but with an amused smile. “Is this something you normally think about every day?”

“Only when I’m alone.”

“Okay, I would rather--”

_“Mike? You down here?”_

We stopped what we were doing and looked up at the stairs to find Jake slowly making his way down. But when he noticed Dick, he stopped at the bottom step and smiled which gave his features a handsome glow.

“Oh, hello new face.”

His hair was still wet from the shower and he was wearing a thin red shirt along with a pair of white shorts that go down to his knees. He must have forgotten our house rules again because he still had his white sneakers on.

Dick didn’t say anything. He just quickly resumed his task of refilling the fridge.

I smiled at Jake sheepishly. “Sorry. He’s not good with people.”

I’ve been friends with Jake since kindergarten but he hadn’t met my friends yet at the time. Not even Jeremy. He didn’t seem to mind Dick’s refusal to interact though because he just shrugged and walked towards our way just to reach for a popsicle from the box.

“I’m Jake.” He nudged Dick’s shoulder softly before settling down on the red beanbag chair nearby.

Dick looked back at him but only for a second. “Dick.”

Jake blinked twice. “Did I say something wrong?”

I snickered at that. “His name is Dick, Jake.”

“Oh. Why?”

“It’s the nickname his mom gave him.”

"Why not change it?"

"He doesn't want to hurt his mom's feelings.

“I see. Does he answer for himself or is that your job too?”

He grinned at me teasingly and I threw an old crumpled candy bar wrapper at his face. He pouted disapprovingly but didn’t throw it back. Instead, he glanced over at the coffee table and found Dick’s sketchpad. It was flipped to a page that had a sketch of Jason Vorhees holding a severed head. He picked it up, an impressed smile stretching his lips.

“Whoa, Mike. I didn’t know you can draw this good.”

I started helping Dick with the treats again. “That’s not mine. It’s Dick’s.”

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Dick pausing for a second or two before resuming his chore. I didn’t have to look to know that his face was getting red. His embarrassment was always easy to notice.

“Wow.” Jake whistled. “This looks really good, Dick. It’s like it’s been drawn by a professional.”

“Uh… thank you.” Dick sneaked a hesitant glance at me and I gave him an encouraging smile. As though he had built up more confidence within himself, he looked back at Jake over his shoulder. “I haven’t colored it yet though. It’s a work in progress.”

Jake made no comment about Dick’s lisp. That was a first. “Cool. Can you show it to me when you’re done with it?”

Dick had a shy smile on his face. “S-Sure.”

I didn’t know why but that made me want to immediately change the topic. “So Jake, what are you doing here in my humble abode?” I asked in a terrible British accent.

Jake chuckled. “My piano instructor has a cold so she didn’t come over today. I’ve got the whole afternoon free.”

“Oh cool. You can play Mortal Kombat with us if you want.” I invited him just as I finished emptying the box of frozen treats. “We can take turns with the controllers. I’m gonna have to warn you though, I’ve bested Dick eight out of one now. It’s not a boast, but a fact.”

“I dunno.” Jake hesitated. “My mom wouldn’t want me playing that kind of video game.”

“She’s not here.”

“Hm, that’s true.”

“I-I think I need to go home.” Dick was suddenly on his feet, rushing over to the couch to pick up his shirt.

I frowned. “Already? But your parents aren’t home.” His parents dropped him off at our house an hour ago so that my parents would keep an eye on him while they were gone. They seemed to have a lot of plans for the summer that didn’t involve taking their son with them.

Dick wouldn’t even look at me in the eye as he put his shirt back on. He looked like he was in a hurry. “I’ll, uh, just call my brother to pick me up. He’s probably done with football practice by now.”

“Oh.” I was still confused but I couldn’t find a good reason to make him stay. It seemed like he just really wanted to get out of here. “Well, okay. If you want. Let me walk you to the door--”

“You don’t have to.” Dick stuffed his sketchpad into his backpack. He glanced at Jake momentarily. Jake just glanced back at him in return, looking just as confused as I was. Dick flinched at the eye contact and quickly made his way to the stairs.

“Bye guys!” He said in a hurry as he climbed up, not really giving us a chance to respond.

As soon as he was gone, I pushed the empty box to the corner of the room before plopping myself down on the couch. I picked up a controller and handed it to Jake. But the second I did so, I noticed his brows were knitted in a frown. Before I could even ask him what was wrong, he already answered.

“He doesn’t like me, does he?”

“What?” I breathed out a laugh in disbelief. “You mean Dick? He likes you. Everyone does.”

Jake turned to face me. “Then why was he so eager to leave? I feel like he was trying to get away from me.”

“Well, he doesn’t like anyone touching his sketchpad,” I said. “but that can’t be it since he sounded happy when you complimented him. Maybe he’s just not comfortable having a complete stranger join our game. Like I said, he’s not good with people.”

“But I’m not a stranger.” Jake looked offended. “I’m Jake Dillinger.”

I laughed. “Maybe he’s never heard of your family before. I’m sure it’s nothing personal.”

Jake didn’t seem convinced but he dropped the subject after that. That was the only time I’ve seen him interact with Dick, so imagine my surprise when I found them suddenly being best buddies by the time we all hit high school. Dick had a completely new look and gave himself a new nickname. Now that I’ve thought about it, maybe these changes had something to do with Jake’s influence.

Not like I can do anything about it now.

It is what it is.

My eyes search the hallway as I hurry past several students, hoping I could catch a glimpse of a certain blond before Jenna does. I can’t tell if I’m just getting paranoid or not but I could feel people staring at me. There’s no way the word has gotten to them yet. Maybe I am just getting a little bit paranoid. Nevertheless, I need to avoid interactions with anyone because based on what I’ve seen on social media, people always love to give themselves a pat on the back for telling the LGBTQ+ community how brave and cute they are. It makes them feel progressive even though in reality, they just come off as patronizing.

My stomach knots up at the thought of Rich hearing about what I just said and defensively denying it. Shit, what if he’s with Jake when he hears about it?

I stop my tracks upon catching sight of the two most popular guys in school.

Ugh, I almost cringed at that title.

They’re both by the lockers. Rich seems to be telling Jake a really good story because he’s using exaggerated hand gestures while Jake listens on, intensely invested.

I hesitate. I still can’t face Jake right now, but I also can’t risk Jenna reaching Rich before I do. What the hell am I even going to say to him anyway? _Hey Rich, just a heads up but I may or may not have told someone that you asked me to the dance and that I was making you wait. Yeah, I know you didn’t. I was joking! Hilarious, right? Why would you ask me to the dance? Haha yep, let’s have a good laugh about it! Oh hey, Jake. I didn’t notice you there. How was your weekend that absolutely had nothing to do with me? Great? Great! Okay, we’re all good now._

Sure, that will work perfectly. I need a solid plan. But what the hell do I start with?

“Rich!”

I hear the voice I’ve been dreading to hear ever since this shitstorm started and I look up to find Jenna bouncing over to Rich before clinging to his arm with sheer excitement, her phone still clutched in one hand like always. Rich stops whatever he’s telling Jake and looks at the grinning girl, confusion written all over his face. Shit. Jenna’s going to tell him. I need to move fast. If Rich denies ever asking me to the dance (which he definitely will because who in their right mind would ask me to the dance), everyone will see me as that one gay boy who has lost sight of what separates his fantasies from reality. They’re all either going to laugh at me or feel sorry for me.

Either result isn’t going to end well.

But if I go out there and quickly tell them that I was just joking around, there’s no way they’re going to laugh with me because what kind of joke is that supposed to be? Then they’ll just assume I’m a delusional gay boy who panicked because everyone found out about his fantasies.

Oh god, Jake is going to write about me on a subreddit about people with creepy, obsessive crushes.

**a creepy gay dude keeps insisting that my best friend is into him**

That would be the title of his post.

And people are going to connect the dots and track me down.

I gotta do something.

Just as Jenna opens her mouth, I do the very first thing my mind pushes me to do.

“Rich! I’ve made up my mind!” I run up to him, trying my very best not to look at anyone else but the short blond in front of me. I successfully catch his attention before Jenna could say anything. He looks back at me, his brows now raised in bewilderment.

“My answer is yes,” I say with as much feigned confidence as I could muster. “I _will_ go to the dance with you. I shouldn't have made you wait because I know I am the luckiest dude just for simply being asked to the dance by no other than the coolest and hottest guy in school. I just didn’t know what to say when you asked me because I got so nervous. It was hard to believe that a simple geeky guy like me would be worth the time and attention of the great Rich Goranski. But then I had to remind myself that you’re bisexual and that maybe you’re not playing games with me here. You’re a changed man now after all. So, yeah. My answer is yes.”

I didn’t even realize I said all of that in one go until I notice my breathing has gone slightly shallow. I tried to inflate his ego and remind him of all the doubts people were giving him about his sexuality just so he could see this is a win-win for us. But now that I’m standing here and looking back on my words, I immediately know how stupid I sounded. I just made things worse for myself. It’s bad enough that he’ll oppose to everything I said, but to do it in front of me?

I just dug my own grave.

Rich blinks twice. He glances at Jenna, then at Jake, then back at me.

I could feel my entire body rigid with tension as I wait for his reaction.

Much to my surprise, he smiles. It’s an amused smile. “You’re not kidding?”

I swallow thickly. “I’m not.”

His smile spreads wider. “Awesome!” He suddenly cheers as he picks me up and spins me around like we’re in some goddamn teen bop movie.

“W-Whoa! Rich, wait!” I almost scream at the sudden action, my hands gripping tightly on his shoulders in fear. I didn’t even know he could carry me. I guess I’ve underestimated those biceps he loves to flaunt around so much. I could feel my face heating up in embarrassment at what we’re doing and I could already sense the stares beaming down at us.

Once he puts me down, I look at Jenna to see that she’s been recording this moment in her phone the whole time with a wide, proud smile. I couldn’t find it in myself to look at Jake so I just gaze back at Rich again.

“You’ve just made me the happiest guy in the world.” He tells me, clearly selling it for the audience.

He’s really playing along.

“Congrats, you guys!” Jenna says with a squeal.

Jake, on the other hand, doesn’t say anything, and I still can’t find the courage to look at him.

* * *

“Congratulations, Matthew! You and Rich look so cute together.”

“So who’s gonna be the girl in your slow dance?”

“You are so brave to be going to the dance with a boy.”

“Does this mean you two are dating now?”

Those are just a few things I’ve heard from people that I have managed to tolerate when I made my way to class. Rich told me to meet up with him after last period and I know I owe him a good explanation for what I’ve dragged him down into. But how could I explain that without coming off as someone who has a huge crush on him? Jenna must have told him my exact words to Jeremy by now and I doubt she left off the part where I said I’ve been crushing on Rich for a long time.

As soon as the bell rings, I find Christine quickly rushing over to my desk with an enthusiastic grin.

“Is it true? Is it true?” She asks excitedly, bouncing on her heels.

“C-Christine!” Jeremy is quick to her side. “I told you not to--”

“But I can’t help it!” Christine grabs the sleeve of his cardigan in theatrical desperation. “I’ve longed for the moment where Michael finally finds his soulmate! Who would have thought it’d be Rich Goranski! Their red thread of fate sure has its way of surprising people!”

I can’t help but laugh at her words as I stand up from my seat, slinging the strap of my backpack over my shoulder. Just seeing Christine being her usual self is enough to make me feel better. “Red thread of fate?” I ask incredulously but with a smile.

She pouts at me almost threateningly. “You don’t joke about the red thread of fate, Michael.”

“What’s that?” Jeremy asks, seemingly in disbelief just as much as I am.

Christine gasps at his question and I wish she’s being dramatic for effect, but she’s not. She seems really upset that we’ve never heard of the red thread of fate. Without another word, she grabs both of our wrists and yanks us to the front row of seats in the classroom. She pushes me down to one seat and pushes Jeremy to another.

She then makes her way over to the chalkboard, picking up the box of colored chalks nearby.

With a white chalk, she draws two stick figures-- leaving their genders ambiguous.

“This is gonna be good.” I smile, entertained.

She brings her finger up to her lips to shush me. With a red chalk, she draws a squiggly line between the stick figures and connects both ends to their hands. She then doodles a funny-looking old man above draped in a red coat.

“There once was a god named Yue Lao.” She explains, drawing a circle around the old man with a yellow chalk. “He’s known as the God of Marriage and Love. Much like Santa Claus, he has his own list of names which he holds dear to his heart.” She draws a red book in Yue Lao’s hands. “And those names belong to those who are destined to be with their soulmates. Yue Lao is the only one who can decide who is fated with who in the great laws of true love. He makes it his responsibility to tie a red thread between two soulmates either on their pinkies or around their ankles. Nothing and nobody is strong enough to cut that thread except for Yue Lao himself.”

“Question.” Jeremy raises his hand. When Christine gives him a nod of approval, he continues. “If he’s a god, why does he have a heart?”

“What?”

“You said he holds his list dear to his heart. He can’t have a heart if he’s--”

“I don’t mean in the literal sense!”

“I was just asking!”

“Well, your question is silly!”

I snicker. “Looks like Yue Lao has already cut off _your_ thread.”

“Shush, Michael.” Christine frowns at me. “You’re being offensive.”

“Not as offensive as that time you told me I look like I would enjoy The Big Bang Theory or Ready Player One.”

“That’s because you assumed I’m a Lea Michele stan!”

“Agree to disagree.”

“You--!” She takes a deep breath and shushes me again before looking back at her boyfriend who looks like he’s trying really hard not to laugh. “Fine. Yue Lao holds his list dear to his… whatever is important to him.”

Jeremy holds his hands up in comical surrender. “Okay, fair enough.”

Christine wrinkles her nose almost childishly at him before focusing back on her lesson. “Right, as I was saying.” She draws another stick figure. “There was once a young man who found Yue Lao sitting by himself under the moonlight. Yue Lao was reading his list of destined soulmates. Intrigued, the young man asked him what he was doing and Yue Lao answered.” She clears her throat and I prepare myself for the show. She begins speaking in an impressively deep, throaty voice. _“I am studying the list of soulmates I have gathered here in my book! You, young man, will marry that young girl over there.”_

She draws a female stick figure then goes back to speaking in her normal voice. “The man saw the girl and he wasn’t impressed. But not because the girl wasn’t pretty enough, but because he was in love with another woman and he couldn’t imagine himself being with anyone else. So just to spite Yue Lao and prove him wrong, he ordered one of his servants to stab the girl.” She draws one male stick figure holding a bloody knife.

“That’s a bit of an overreaction.” I comment.

“Just a bit.” Jeremy agrees.

Christine ignores us. “Fourteen years later, the woman the young man loved had left him with a broken heart and he found himself in an arranged marriage with the daughter of the governor. The governor apparently couldn’t find a suitable husband for his daughter because none of them were patient enough to handle the fact that she couldn’t walk properly and that she had a large scar on her back-- no matter how beautiful she was. But the young man had fallen in love with her despite her flaws. They were just so compatible!” She draws a large heart between her doodles of the young man and the girl.

“Finally, the girl opened up to him.” She draws a red line between the two figures slowly. “She said the reason why she couldn’t walk properly and that she had an ugly scar on her back was that fourteen years ago, she had been stabbed by a complete stranger without a reason.”

I fake a shocked gasp. “She’s the girl Yue Lao fated him to be with!”

I don’t think Christine caught on my bad acting because she smiles and nods her head excitedly. “Yes! Exactly! He may not have liked her then, but it was the red thread of fate that led them to each other. No matter where you are, your red thread will eventually help you find who you’re destined to be with.”

“Wait.” Jeremy furrows his brows. “What about the guy then? I mean, he doesn’t deserve her when he gave her an injury that lasted throughout her life.”

Christine looks proud that he asked. “Yue Lao is no pushover. When the man and the girl had three children, the man had difficulties finding compatible suitors for them. He had no choice but to seek Yue Lao, begging him to unite the threads of his children with who he believed would be best for them. But unfortunately, Yue Lao remembered him. He remembered how he disrespected his power and how he doubted him. Because of that, he doomed the man’s children to never be graced with the red thread. The end!” She concludes in delight as if the ending is a happy one.

“What? That’s it?” I frown. “Why doom the kids? It’s not their fault their dad was an asshole.”

“That’s why I told you to not joke about the red thread of fate. Yue Lao means business.” Christine wags her finger at me.

“So the red thread is tied around our pinkies?” Dustin asks from behind me. “Does that have anything to do with pinky swears?”

“What, when did you get here?” Christine asks in bewilderment.

“I’m everywhere, pumpkin.”

Christine looks at me as if she’s looking for answers about her cousin. I shrug my shoulders. “He’s been sleeping in class the whole time. I guess your little lesson woke him up.”

Someone clears his throat by the door and we all look back to find Rich standing at the doorway, leaning his shoulder on the doorframe with a lazy posture. “What are you guys doing?” He asks, one brow raised.

“Nothing!” Suddenly embarrassed, Christine grabs the eraser and tries to wipe all her doodles into nothing. “J-Just passing the time! Don’t mind us! Please don’t look!”

“You’re weird.” Dustin snickers. But at Rich, he gives him a casual salute with two fingers. “Heard the news about you and Michael, man. Congratulations.”

“Y-Yeah, congrats.” Jeremy waves his hand awkwardly at Rich.

A cocky smile stretches Rich’s lips. He obviously likes the attention. “Thanks. It’s not like I expected Mell to say no anyway.” He then directs his eyes at me. “So? You comin’ or what?”

“What?” I blink. “To where?”

He frowns at me. “After last period? I told you we should--”

“Oh right!” I say all too loudly as I spring up to my feet before he could say anything else. Neither Christine nor Jeremy need to know my business with him. I don’t want Dustin knowing anything either. He may have been my childhood friend, but I still can’t trust him. He knows too much about other people and doesn’t seem to have a problem telling their business to others. He’s like the guy version of Jenna, except he’s chill and doesn’t record everything in his phone.

I grab Rich’s hand and tug him out while I bid hurried goodbye’s to my friends.

“Ow, dude! Let go!” Rich yanks his hand out of my tight grip as we walk down the hallway. “What’s the hurry?”

“Can we please talk somewhere private?” I say, my eyes searching for anyone I could deem familiar from any of the classes I’m in. “I don’t think I can handle another person telling me how brave I am.”

“Why not?” He asks. “You may not be familiar with it but it's called a compliment--”

“To you! You _live_ for the spotlight. I, on the other hand, have stage fright. It might not be as bad as Jeremy’s but I still have it.”

“I can’t help it.” He sounds annoyingly smug about it. “Dating _the_ Rich Goranski is a guaranteed ticket to popularity.”

“Hold up.” I stop and he stops with me. _“Dating?_ I didn’t say anything about dating, Rich.”

“Yeah, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” He looks around for a second then takes my hand in his. He tugs me along with him to the parking lot and I just let him despite my immense discomfort. Thankfully enough, we only get stares from other people as we make our way to our destination. The parking lot is empty saved for our own vehicles and three more from our teachers.

We stop by his truck and he turns to face me.

“Before I tell you what I have in mind, can you explain to me what the hell just happened at lunch today?”

Well, I have to explain it to him sooner or later. I should might as well do it now.

“Long story short, Jeremy wouldn’t stop asking me why I ran out of the men’s room and--”

“Yeah, why _did_ you run out of the restroom?”

“That’s not important.”

“It is now that you’ve involved me into your web of lies.”

“It wasn’t a lie! It was just--”

“Oh really?” He breathes out a laugh as he rolls his eyes. “What do you call it then?”

I scratch my head. “Err, false information?”

“What a load of crap.” He doesn’t sound angry. If anything, he sounds like he’s having the time of his life making me struggle to find the right words. He enjoys watching me squirm and that hits a nerve.

“Why did you play along then?” I question him. “If you don’t want to be where you are now, why didn’t you just deny ever asking me to the dance?”

He rolls his eyes again. “Oh please, shouldn’t you be thanking me for saving your ass over there?”

That’s… true.

I’m stumped for the second time today.

“Why did you tell people I asked you to the dance?” He goes back to the point, crossing his arms and leaning back against the door of the passenger seat.

“I didn’t tell people. I just told Jeremy.” I rub my arm self-consciously. “He’s been pushing me to go out there and look for someone I’m compatible with. Just to get him off my back, I told him that I already like someone. He pushed and pushed and I somehow ended up telling him that I have a crush on you because you were my safest bet considering you’re bi.”

“Why not Dustin?”

“I told him I would rather lick the floor of the men’s room at a gas station than go to the dance with him.”

That makes him laugh. “Gross.”

The sound of his laugh sorta helps ease the tension in my body, but it’s still there. “Anyway, he kept insisting me that I should ask you to the dance. I guess I reached the end of my patience because I thoughtlessly blurted out that you already asked me and I was still thinking of what I should say. I said it sarcastically, you know? But Jenna overheard it and you know how she loves to misunderstand things without asking.”

“Sooo…” Rich taps his chin. “You really don’t have a crush on me?”

“No.” I shake my head.

“Oh. Good.” He sighs in heavy relief. “I thought I was gonna have to reject you. Honestly, I’m not good at turning people down so I kept thinking of how to do it. I already have a speech made up in my mind about how the two of us just won’t work.”

I give him a tired look. “Save the condescending tone, Goranski. You don’t have to tell _me_ why we wouldn’t work.”

“What are we gonna do now?” Rich still sounds entertained. “Jenna uploaded that video of you saying yes to my fake promposal. Everyone’s on my Facebook, congratulating me.”

I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. It’s my fault I brought you into this. I guess it’s only fair you get to decide what to do from here.”

“I was hoping you would say that.” Rich’s smile has grown wider and the tone of his voice suggests he has something up his sleeve. Whatever it is, I have a feeling I’m not gonna like it. He pushes away from his truck and takes a step closer to me. “Why don’t we give the audience what they want?”

“What?” I grimace. “What do you mean?”

“I’m saying we should let them keep thinking we’re an item.”

“No.” I say right away, shaking my head defiantly. “We’re not doing that. I _can’t_ do that. It’s bad enough they think we’re going to the dance together. I don’t wanna imagine what it would be like if they think we’re actually dating.”

“Oh come on!” Rich laughs, clapping his hand on my shoulder. “You can’t tell me you’re not enjoying the attention even just a little bit?”

“I really am not. I don’t like it.”

“Girls _and_ boys would kill to be in your position, you know.”

“You’re quite humble, aren’t you?”

“Look at it this way.” He pulls me closer by my wrist and my body instinctively tenses up at the close proximity. But then I realize he’s just making sure I’m hidden enough behind his truck. He continues, “If you date me, Jeremy will be out of your hair. At least he’ll know you’re capable of being mature enough to date someone. And if I date you, people are gonna stop telling me that I only came out bisexual because it’s a trend now. We both win!”

“But... “ I pause. “I don’t even like you that way.”

“Pfft, don’t flatter yourself. I don’t like you that way either.”

“Yeah, I know that based on those years of torture you’ve given me.”

He winces at that, but he reclaims his posture right away. “We don’t _really_ have to date each other, Mell. We’re just going to make them think that we are. We can even set up a deadline, and just to save your pride-- if you have one-- I’ll tell them that _you_ broke up with _me_.”

Everything he just said makes perfect sense. Jeremy and Christine will finally leave me alone and Rich gets the kind of recognition that he wants. There are a lot of pros to this and not a lot of cons. Plus, Rich is really, _really_ nice to look at if I just pretend his personality doesn’t exist. He has the charming looks of a guy from an old Hollywood film-- a timeless appeal, as long as I look past his attitude. That would make his presence tolerable.

Then there’s Jake.

If he thinks I like Rich, then he’s just gonna forget what happened between us for the sake of not hurting his best friend’s “feelings” and we’ll finally go back to normal.

I wouldn’t have to avoid him anymore.

It really is a win-win deal.

“Okay, fine.” I finally make up my mind and Rich snaps his fingers in a self-congratulatory victory. But I’m not done talking so I go on, “When’s the deadline?”

“Damn, breaking up with me already?” He sticks out his bottom lip and clutches his chest in fake agony. “You wound me!”

I roll my eyes and take the risk of pushing his shoulder lightly, not being able to resist the smile creeping up my lips at his theatrics. “Come on! When’s the deadline?”

He beams at me, obviously pleased with the deal. “I was thinking around a week after the dance? We could say you’ve just fallen out of love.”

“People aren’t going to hate me for that, right?”

“Of course not. They’re gonna think you’re badass for resisting the charms of _moi_.” He runs his fingers through his blond hair for effect. “And I also get to have a lot of pity sex out of our breakup. It’s perfect.”

I cringe at his words. “You’re gross.”

“Says the guy who’s willing to lick the floor of a dirty restroom.”

“You got me there.”

“So,” He straightens up. “are we really doing this?”

I feel like I’m going to regret this somehow, but I’ve already made up my mind and I really want things to be normal with Jake again.

I nod.

“We’re doing this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you haven't noticed, I changed the title just to make it shorter!
> 
> [Also, check out these icons I've commissioned if you want an idea of what Dustin and Madeline look like!](https://www.instagram.com/p/BlrHtTZH1PL/?taken-by=attcharra)
> 
> Comments are _always_ great motivators so I would appreciate it if you leave one!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	7. The Kiss to Seal the Deal

# 07\. The Kiss to Seal the Deal

We’re having _Sinigang_ for the sixth time since last Wednesday and frankly, I’m getting sick of it. Dad has been trying his best to learn Filipino cuisine for the sake of impressing mom but he’s just really bad at it. No one in the family has the heart to tell him though, especially when he looks proud of his cooking. I watch Micah from across the table as he takes a sip of the broth. I can tell he’s trying really hard not to make a face. Mom, on the other hand, does an exceptional job smiling through the severely sour flavor of our dinner. I guess that’s one of the benefits of being in a marriage-- you get better at lying.

Or maybe mom is just a really good liar.

If she is, then how come that valuable quality was not genetically passed down to me? Why must it skip a generation right when I need it the most?

I thought pretending to date Rich would be a piece of cake. But now the more I think about it, the more possible scenarios of me screwing it up fill my mind. I have never even been in a relationship before; how am I supposed to make a fake one convincing?

“Michael?” Mom’s voice brings me out of my reverie. “Why aren’t you touching your dinner?”

“He’s been spacing out all day.” Micah is quick to point out. “Didn’t even get mad when I said Bill Skarsgård could be the new Vincent Price.”

“You didn’t say that.” I say almost confidently. I may have been spacing out but I doubt I would have ignored Micah if he did say that. Vincent Price is irreplaceable no matter what people say.

“Something on your mind, buddy?” Dad asks me with a concerned tilt of his head.

I don’t have a problem sharing everything about my life with my parents. After coming out to them, I have come to realize that there’s nothing remotely interesting enough about me that I could hide from them. My days have always been rather uneventful. In fact, my life is so commonly uneventful that when Christine turned up at our house for the first time and asked for me, my dad just immediately assumed she was looking for a different Michael and lead her to a different house.

Then when they eventually found out that she was a new friend of mine, they bombarded me with so many questions, you would have thought I was a guest on Jenna’s gossip talk show. I hope to God she will never be graced with that career opportunity.

But for once, a _lot_ of things happened to me in just two separate days.

I can’t tell them I made out with the nice, overachieving boy next door who is still clearly figuring himself out. I can’t tell them I now have a date to the Valentine’s dance when said date never really asked me to go with him. And I definitely can’t tell them I have involved myself in a fake relationship just to show everyone that I’m capable of being liked in a romantic sense even though that’s counterproductive when the guy I’m in a fake relationship with doesn’t like me like that.

It doesn’t feel good hiding this much from my parents. They know everything about me and I know everything about them. That’s how it’s supposed to go in this family.

But if I tell them the intricate spiral of pathetic bullshit I’ve gotten myself into, then they’re going to feel bad for me and that’s the last thing I want from them.

“You guys have no problem with me not dating anyone, right?” I ask, pushing the pieces of chicken around my plate with a fork.

“Of course we don’t mind.” Mom shakes her head.

I stop moving my food. “Even though I'm at the age where I should be experimenting with different people?”

Mom laughs at that. “Oh, that's just what the kids say to pressure their peers into doing what _they_ do. There's no such thing as the age of experimenting.”

“Really?” That makes me feel a little better. At least my parents don’t find me sad for not dating anyone. “How old were you when you started dating dad?

“We were twenty.” Dad answers for her with a nonchalant shrug.

“What?” I frown. “But I thought you guys had me when you were nineteen?”

“No, no, no.” Mom waves her fork at my direction. “We weren't technically dating when we engaged in ravenous sexual intercourse. Doing it in a public restroom during a rock concert isn’t exactly the most romantic thing a serious couple would do.”

“Mom! TMI!”

“Wow.” Micah visibly cringes. “There’s food on the table, ma.”

“It’s okay, sweetie.” Mom runs her fingers through my brother’s hair. “They don’t speak English.”

“Wait, hold up.” I try to get her attention back. “Are you telling me dad got you pregnant, _and you weren't even together?”_

“You were an accident.” Dad nods in confirmation.

“Dad!”

"A beautiful accident, honey." Mom tries to save face as she smiles ever so sweetly at me.

“But an accident, nonetheless.” Dad also smiles at me, but knowingly.

These two are starting to give me a headache. "Okay, you guys really need to be careful with your words because I'm the one who will eventually choose your home once you turn grey and all shriveled up."

Maybe to an outsider, our conversation isn’t the most ideal exchange a teen should have with their parents but honestly? This is just a normal Monday dinner for us.

“Why do you ask anyway?” Dad questions me with a humored smile.

I know right away that I have to drop the subject because if I let this drag on longer, I’ll feel obligated to spill the beans.

I shrug. “Nothing. I was just curious.”

“Yeah? Well, keep your curiosity to yourself.” Micah tosses a grain of rice at my direction. He has very bad aim because it just flings to the edge of my plate. “Now I’ve lost my appetite.”

I know he’s just looking for a valid excuse to not eat his dinner and I respect that so I let him be.

After dinner, Micah and I wash the dishes together like always. He does the first wash and the soaping and I do the last wash and the towel-drying. It’s a system we both agreed to do back when we were younger, except our tasks were reversed. Micah just eventually agreed to switch our tasks when I bribed him with a jar of Nutella which I stole from Jeremy’s fridge because I know nobody was going to touch it. He only got it from his grandma anyway.

“Why did you ask mom and dad if they cared whether you’re dating someone or not?” Micah suddenly asks out of the blue as he passes me a thoroughly soaped up plate. His shirt is almost soaking wet from washing but that’s Micah for you. He cleans and makes a mess at the same time.

“Because Jeremy thinks I’m missing out.” I admit to him easily. Sometimes-- very rarely, even-- there are things I can share with my brother that I can’t share with my parents. Micah knows Jeremy is a hopeless romantic. My parents, on the other hand, don’t need to know that because I know they will tease him relentlessly.

“Missing out on what?” Micah grimaces. “What’s so good about swapping saliva with someone? You gotta have to brush your teeth first every time you wanna do something like that unless you’re okay with beef breath in your mouth.”

I chuckle. “That’s true. I guess some people see the appeal of it, and some don’t.”

“I’ll never understand the appeal.”

“Maybe because you’ve never liked someone.” I give him a fleeting glance. “Do you like anyone right now?”

Micah isn’t quick to answer. In fact, he suddenly appears to be very focused on our chore. When he still hasn’t responded, I frown and bump his hip with mine.

“Do you like anyone?” I ask again.

“Maybe.” He finally answers.

 _Maybe?_ Micah has  _never_ shown any kind of romantic interest in anyone-- not even fictional characters. I never hear him talk about how pretty this girl is or how handsome this guy is. I was almost convinced that he’s just not capable of feeling any kind of attraction for anyone.

Until now.

“And?” I try to coax him into giving me more details.

“And _nothing._ ” He says firmly like that’s the end of discussion.

“Nothing?” I scoff in disbelief. “C’mon, since when did you start keeping secrets from me?”

“It’s not a secret.” Micah shakes his head and looks up at me with an unimpressed frown. “It’s just none of your business.”

I roll my eyes at that. I snatch the sponge from him and wipe it over his cheek just to be petty. He gets pissed and splashes water at me. Our chore that is supposed to encourage teamwork and cooperation is then reduced to a round of water and soap fight.

We then end up having to clean everything up after.

I’m still a bit bothered that Micah wouldn’t tell me who he likes but like he said, it’s none of my business. If he doesn’t want to tell me, then so be it.

After cleaning the kitchen, I hurry up to my bedroom to change. My clothes are a soaking mess now thanks to that brat. But as soon as I walked in, I find the screen of my phone lighting up from my desk where I left it to charge. I pull my shirt off and toss it to the floor before unplugging my phone from its charger and checking the message.

 _Fr: spawn of satan_  
_Message:_ _  
whats my name on your phone?_

That’s random. Why does that matter? Nevertheless, I’ve got nothing better to do so I thumb in my reply.

_“just your name. why”_

I haven’t even put my phone down yet when his response came up.

_“change it to babe”_

Okay, that just made me laugh. _“lol it's not like anyones gonna snoop around our phones, rich”_

_“just in case! i already did yours.”_

He changed my name? That’s interesting. _“ok whats my name on your phone”_

_“also babe.”_

I laugh again. _“thats creative”_

_“come on, man :(“_

I sigh at his last message. I honestly don’t want to be bothered changing his name, but it’s that damn emoji that made it seem like saying no to him would be like kicking a helpless puppy. It’s just not right. I tap my contacts app and change his name which is a bummer because I really like the name I chose for him.

I snap a screenshot of it and send it to him.

 _“Thanks :)”_ is his reply, and I assume that’s the end of it.

I lock my phone and shimmy myself out of my pants, not liking how the fabric clings to my skin now that it’s wet. But before I could get to my closet, my phone suddenly starts ringing. The 8-bit version of Bob Marley’s _Buffalo Soldier_ plays in full blast and I quickly grab it to see the word _babe_ on the screen.

_Rich is calling?_

Why would he be calling me? We were just talking via text message. Why does he have to turn this into a voice call?

He has never called me before and for some reason, the thought of talking to him this late at night gets me nervous. But then I also realize how stupid it is to be nervous when he can’t exactly hurt me from a voice call. He can’t lay a finger on me when I’m at home. I shake my trembling nerves away and reluctantly answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, bro.”

He doesn’t say anything after that, so I feel compelled to say something. “Hey… erm, brethren?”

“What?” I could hear the laugh in his voice.

My face heats up in embarrassment, but also in annoyance. “W-Why are you calling me?”

“Oh, yeah. We haven’t exactly talked about what we’re going to tell everyone at school tomorrow. Like, you know, the full exact details. We gotta make sure our stories match.”

I pin my phone between my shoulder and my ear as I look for a shirt in my closet. “Okay. You asked me to the dance and I said yes.”

“It’s gotta be more than that.” He sounds tired. “Look, you told Jeremy that you like me, right?”

“Um, yeah.” I find my old _Aliens_ shirt and quickly put it on.

“Did you tell him how long you’ve been crushing on me?”

“Not that I remember.”

“Okay, then let’s say you’ve been crushing on me since freshman year.”

“That’s a long time.”

“You can never move on from Richard Goranski.” I could just imagine the smirk on his face when he said that. “We can be each other’s first kiss too. People eat that romantic shit up.”

Just by the mere mention of the word _kiss_ is enough to bring me back to the disaster that happened last Saturday. But I mentally remind myself that now is not the time to be thinking about Jake when I’m currently talking to his best friend about how we could make this fake relationship work. With success, I shake away the memory of his lips on mine.

“We can’t tell people that.” I say as I sit on my bed.

“Why not?”

“Because they’re not gonna believe that. Dude, you used to make my days a living hell. Who would believe that I’ve been liking you despite all the shit you've pulled?”

“I’m talking about _before_ high school. Like an innocent childhood kiss or something. Then after that, you couldn’t keep your mind off of me.”

“You’re making me sound creepy.” I frown. “And like I said, you used to bully me a lot. It wouldn’t make sense why I would like you then.”

Rich groans from the other line, clearly from frustration. I don’t even understand why he’s getting so worked up over the specific details. We could just easily tell everyone that we have only recently started liking each other. Why do we have to go far back into our childhood just to make this already tedious relationship convincing?

“Okay, new story.” Rich goes on. “You liked me before. Then you didn’t when I became an ass. _Then_ you started liking me again when I decided to change for the better. How’s that?”

“So…” I lie down and stare up at the ceiling. “You want me to tell people I liked you when you were still Dick?”

I know that nickname ticks him off-- probably the reason why I even brought it up in the first place. It’s the best I could do to get back at him for everything he did. I would say reminding him of his nickname causes far less pain and humiliation than getting shoved around and having the word **_fag_ ** written all over my textbooks without my consent.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.” He sounds annoyed. I’m in content with that.

“But the first kiss thing still can’t work.” I say. “I already had my first kiss with someone and if this someone hears about our fabricated story, he’s going to call our bluff.”

“You’ve kissed someone before?” As if his annoyance was never there at all, Rich now sounds impressed. “Is it someone I know?”

His question leaves me feeling awkward, but he’s not in front of me so at least lying to him wouldn’t require spectacular acting. “That doesn’t matter.” I tell him firmly. “What matters is that he knows he’s my first kiss-- or at least I think he does.”

“Fine. But we gotta kiss in the hallway before first period.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re supposed to be dating! Oh right, you have zero knowledge about relationships. I should probably tell you that couples kiss a lot. It’s kinda what we, _normal people_ , do.”

“Ha ha.” I say dryly. “Why do we have to kiss in the hallway? We can just say we leave that stuff in privacy.”

“Because Richard Goranski is an expert in PDA. I can’t let my reputation be tarnished just because you’re shy.”

“You really like saying your full name, huh?”

“How about this? We kiss once a day in public.” He proposes. “It doesn’t have to be full-on makeout sesh. No tongues. Just touch.”

Kiss Rich every day? Just when I thought this idea couldn’t get any more bizarre, he goes and does this. But I guess there’s nothing to worry about when we’re just going to press our lips together. I don’t take kisses very seriously anyway. For all I know, maybe this will help me completely forget about that night with Jake.

“Okay, fine.” I concede.

“Promise?”

“Sure. Are we done here?”

“Do you think we should say 'I love you' in front of everyone too?”

“Good night, Rich.”

* * *

Dad must have been really bothered by my question last night because when I joined them at the breakfast table the next morning, he tells me about one of his friends’ nice, young nephew who works part-time at Over the Rainbow Daycare.

“A little birdie told me he’s single.” He taps his own nose as though to further emphasize that he’s speaking gossip.

“Dad,” I look up at him from my plate of bacon and eggs. “you can’t really say a little birdie told you when you literally just said Uncle Steve talked to you about it.”

“Well, I think this young boy sounds nice.” Mom joins in. “Would you like to meet him, sweetie?”

“Pass.” I shake my head. “Dating isn’t my top priority at the moment.”

“Are you sure?” Dad looks at me and he can try to hide it as much as he wants, but I could see the concern in his eyes. He must have misinterpreted the purpose of my question last night. Great, even my own parents think I’m lonely.

“Yep, I’m sure.” To avoid this very uncomfortable conversation, I shove the entire last piece of bacon into my mouth and pick up my empty plate to drop it into the sink. I wipe my lips with the sleeve of my hoodie as I grab my backpack. “I better go now. Don’t wanna be late. Come on, Micah.”

Micah frowns up at me, his breakfast barely half-finished. “We still have time. What are you in a hurry for?”

“Fine. You have five minutes.” I avoid his suspicion. “I’ll wait in the car.” I kiss my parents goodbye before heading straight outside. But not before I hear dad telling me that he’ll try to get the boy’s number for me.

* * *

_Fr: babe_  
_Message:_ _  
meet me by my locker. im with jake & the others._

I don’t leave my car right away after reading Rich’s message. I almost forgot about the kiss deal we both agreed to last night. I thought it wasn’t a big deal then, but now picturing myself going to Rich every morning just to kiss him in front of people gives me a very sinking feeling in my stomach. I still don’t like Rich. Platonic, romantic, or whatever possible way to like someone-- I don’t have any of those for him. While he may be trying to change for the best, I still can’t shake away the memories of him pushing me around, grabbing my things, smacking me on the head, and even threatening me to shove me into a locker if I don’t stop ‘looking like a dweeb.’

It’s hard to forget them when they all just happened last year.

He’s apologized to me more than twice now and I already forgave him.

But I still can’t forget.

I can’t back out now though. I’m always a man of my word. Maybe I could just imagine him as Dick. Dick would never hurt me.

With that thought in mind, I hop out of my vehicle and head for the lockers.

I send Jeremy a short text message just to tell him I have to make a quick stop somewhere before I could meet up with him and Christine at the library. He only responds with a thumbs up emoji. As I reach the lockers, I find Rich chatting with Jake and Brooke. I see Chloe and Jenna making their way towards their direction so I linger a bit away from them for a few seconds, still very hesitant about all this.

Jake and I still haven’t talked about the incident, and I doubt we will ever talk about it. If I just go up there and kiss Rich, will that really be enough for us to forget it ever happened?

Or did he already forget about it and I’m just stressing over nothing?

“Yo, Michael!” I hear Rich calling me and I instinctively jump at the sound of his voice. I look up to see that they’re all looking at me. Rich is grinning from ear to ear while the look on Jake’s face is uncharacteristically unreadable. The rest just seem a bit confused. Aside from Rich, I don’t think everyone’s going to welcome me into their presence with open arms. Especially Chloe whose eyes go up from my head and down to my shoes like she’s carefully analyzing everything about me.

I wave meekly at Rich and he gestures me to come over.

My gaze goes to Jake but he just turns around to get his books from his locker. That leaves a sick twist in my stomach. He usually smiles at me every time we happen to come across each other in the hallway. I glance back at Rich again who is now giving me a _what-are-you-doing-you-better-not-chicken-out_ look.

_I’m so sorry, Rich._

I shake my head and turn the other way.

I hear Rich calling my name but I just pick up my pace and head for the library.

I’m not ready.

* * *

I find Jeremy carrying a tall stack of books in his arms and he looks like he’s close to giving in and just letting his body collapse to the floor. I hurry to his side and take half of the books from him.

“It’s about time.” He looks at me with immense relief on his face. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem.” I see Christine still very invested in searching for more books to use. “What’s all this for?”

“Dustin dared Christine to do her research paper without using the internet.” Jeremy sighs. “And you know Christine…”

She doesn’t back down from a challenge. It probably has something to do with the fact that she mostly gets along with the boys in her family rather than the girls. There’s a wide age gap between her and her sisters-- two sisters are already working, one sister left two years ago for college, and the youngest one is still technically an infant. She gets along more with her three brothers and Dustin who are all around her age.

One time, Dustin dared her to put her hand into some old guy’s back pocket and to never pull back for thirty seconds no matter what the poor guy would do. I literally watched that disaster unfold right before my eyes. She really did that just for five dollars. She was mortified but proud that she had proven to her cousin that she’s tougher than he thought.

“Where’s Rich?” Christine asks me without taking her eyes off the shelf.

Jeremy gives me a quizzical look. “Oh, yeah. I figured you’d be with him today.”

“What?” I try to laugh. “Why would I be with him when I always start my day with you guys?”

Christine shrugs as she places another book on my stack. “We just figured because you two are an item now.”

Wait, what? How did they know about that? I haven’t even told them I’ve decided to ‘date’ Rich yet. There’s a huge difference between going to a dance with someone and actually dating them.

But before I could even ask, a familiar voice interrupts me.

“There you are!” Rich says louder than he should. The librarian quickly shushes him and he winces at that. He hurries to my side, giving Jeremy and Christine a nod of acknowledgment as he does so before looking back at me. “Dude, what the hell was that?” He asks in an annoyed whisper.

“Whoops.” Christine quickly takes the books from my arms. “That sounds private so we’ll be on our way.”

She gestures Jeremy to follow her and after giving me a confused look, Jeremy tags after her. 

I then look back at Rich and sigh.

“About that, I just--” I start but Rich immediately shushes me the same way the librarian did to him earlier.

“Wait, not here.” He hisses. “Come on.” He takes my hand in his and tugs me out of the library. I try not to pull away from his hold no matter how uncomfortable it’s making me. I just let him lead me outside and we hide behind a pillar.

“Now,” He lets go of me and pinches the bridge of his nose. “let me ask again: what _the hell_ happened there? I thought we agreed to--”

“I freaked out!” I confess. “There were so many people and Chloe was giving me the stank eye.”

“That’s just her resting bitch face and you know that.”

“At least I waved my hand at you!” I defend myself. “It would have been bad if I just flat out ignored you.”

“I invited you to join us but you just turned and walked away! So yeah, you _did_ ignore me!” I’ve never seen Rich this upset over something. Why is he making this a big deal when we could just easily try again and kiss in front of his friends later? Preferably without Jake around but I know that’s a bust. He’s always with Rich, and one of the reasons why I even agreed to this is because I want him to think that our kiss doesn’t matter to me at all.

“Come on, dude.” I couldn’t stop myself from rolling my eyes. This argument is just starting to sound childish. “What do you want me to say?”

“An apology would suffice.” Rich grumbles with a frown.

“Okay, fine.” I hold my hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry. Happy?”

Rich still looks pretty upset. “You don’t _sound_ sorry.”

“I’m sorry.” I say again but firmly this time.

“What are you sorry for?”

“Are you serious?”

“Fine, I’ll take it.” He sighs and shakes his head. “To make up for what you just did, you’ll join me and my friends at the cafeteria later.”

 _With Jake sitting across from us,_ I mentally imagine him adding that.

“I have my own friends, you know.” I say, jutting my thumb over my shoulder to point at the library where Christine and Jeremy are still most likely in.

“Then bring them along. I don’t care.” Rich shrugs that off. “You owe me a kiss, Mell.”

“You want us to kiss in the cafeteria? Where people eat their _salad?”_

“You always say you’re a man of your word.” He reminds me, and I know we’re both remembering that time I promised him that I wouldn’t tell anyone how much he cried inside the church. He takes a step closer to me which does nothing but emphasizes our height difference more, but that doesn’t seem to bother him because he glowers at me. That expression is bringing back all sorts of bad memories. “So you better keep your word.”

I swallow. “Okay.”

Then he studies my face. I don’t know why but I just stand still, my heart racing almost painfully in my chest.

His glare fades and a look of realization dawns in on his features. Suddenly, he jerks back from me and his face turns red.

“Shit, was I doing it again?”

I blink. “D-Doing what?”

“Threatening you.”

_Oh._

“Fuck, I was.” Rich runs his hand over his face then through his hair. “I’m so sorry, man. I didn’t mean to--”

“That’s fine.” I quickly shrug it off. I don’t want to remember the kind of person he used to be and clearly, he doesn’t like it either so I see no point in talking about it. “So we’ll meet at the cafeteria, right?”

Rich looks like he still wants to say something, but he just nods his head. “Yeah. Cafeteria. I’ll wait for you.”

* * *

I don’t know why but I feel like fate has been holding me back from pushing on with this fake relationship thing because by second period, I received a text message from Jake asking me to meet him under the bleachers at lunchtime. I knew right away that we’re going to have the conversation I’ve been dreading to face. My first instinct was to pretend that I didn’t receive his message. But then the thought of him waiting for me under the bleachers pricked my guilt. My second instinct was to turn the invitation down, but then that would look like he’s the only one who’s trying to make things right while I cower away from confrontations.

I had no choice but to go.

I sent Rich a quick text message to let him know that I’ll be late at the cafeteria. Judging from the seven replies I got from him asking me why and where I am, I guess he didn’t take my message lightly.

I can’t blame him though. This is the second time I’ve let him down and I’m starting to feel really bad. But I need to have this conversation with Jake. If we manage to patch things up between us and go back to normal, then maybe I wouldn’t need to fake a relationship with Rich anymore. I don’t care if my friends and family think I’m lonely. As long as things go back to the way they were, then I’ll be satisfied.

As I wait under the bleachers, I catch sight of Jake from afar. I immediately straighten my posture and give him a quick wave of my hand. He sees me and smiles a bit awkwardly. He looks around first before finally joining me.

“Hey.” He greets me.

“Hey.” I greet back.

Then we just stand there. He looks down at the ground and rubs the back of his neck. I try to look calm by slipping my clammy hands into the pockets of my hoodie and leaning back against the wall.

“So,” I start after clearing my throat. “what’s up?”

He peeks through the bleachers first before looking back at me, uncertainty written all over his face. “I want to talk about what happened. That night.”

I swallow hard and try to ignore the pounding of my heart. “Okay.”

“I gotta be straight with you first.” He says, his eyes steady on mine. “I’m not gay.”

I stay quiet for a moment. But when I did let myself react, I sounded regrettably lame. “Oh.”

He nods. “Yeah. Just wanna put it out there.”

“Okay.” I _still_ sound lame and awkward. I shouldn’t have come here. This was a mistake. What the fuck am I doing here.

“And I know what we did that night was weird-- it really was.” He goes on. “We shouldn’t have done that. I hate this awkward tension going on between us ever since that happened. It’s killing me. I’m not an awkward guy. I don’t _like_ being an awkward guy because that’s just not my thing, you know?”

He looks like he’s really looking for validation from me so I quickly nod my head. “O-Oh, yeah. Totally.”

He seems relieved by that. “I want us to go back to the way we were before that night so I think it’s for the best if we both just forget that you ever kissed me. Let's put all of that shit behind us, yeah?”

“Okay.” I say again. I see no problem with that. In fact, I’m glad that he’s doing all the talking because it takes less effort and anxiety for me to try and make things work out-- _wait a minute._

“Hold on just a sec.” I step away from the wall. “I didn't kiss you. _You_ kissed _me._ ”

“What?” Jake breathes out an incredulous laugh. “No, man. _You_ came onto _me_.”

“You were literally on top of me.”

“Yeah, but you were the one who reached up and kissed me. Why are you turning this around?”

“I’m not turning this around because I remember very vividly that you were the one who made the first move.” I could feel my patience running thin. I don’t understand why he has to change the narrative when nobody’s ever going to even hear about this.

“I remember it very vividly too!” Jake is just as adamant about this as I am. “Come on, you can’t pretend you’ve never dreamt of kissing me before. I’ve seen the way you look at me.”

That catches me off-guard. He noticed? _He fucking noticed?_

“What are you talking about?” I decide to play dumb. “I look at you the same way I look at everybody.”

“Okay, now you’re just lying to me and to yourself.” Jake lets out another incredulous laugh. “Look, I’m not bothered by how you see me, all right? I’m actually very flattered because at least I now know I’m attractive to both men and women. But, I just don’t swing that way. And because I don’t swing that way, it wouldn’t make sense why I would come onto you. Think about it, right? Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know, Jake. You tell me.”

“Because I didn’t do it!”

“You did! I’m not taking the blame here, and I don’t like you as much as you think I do. Did you hit your head and forget that I agreed to go to the dance with your best bro?” I should have pulled this card earlier. It would have saved me this much anger boiling up inside of me. “I don’t know if Rich already told you but we're dating now. Yeah, I like _him._ Not you.”

“Please.” He shakes his head. “You guys really expect me to believe that grand performance you displayed yesterday? If Rich did ask you to the dance, I would have been the first one to know about it.”

“Why, pray tell, would we fake that?”

“Because the fact that you kissed me and I bolted freaked you out. Rich is my best friend, Michael. I don’t think I like the idea of you using him just so you can…”

I tune him out because I don’t want to hear any more of it. He’s making me sound like I’m totally out of my mind for thinking he kissed me first even though I know for a fact that he really did make the first move. I don’t even care if he’s regretting it anymore. I just don’t want to come out as some pathetic lovestruck teenager in this situation.

Is he so in love with himself that he thinks he has the kind of charm that could literally drive people crazy?

Drive _me_ crazy?

Is that what I am to him?

“You know what?” I cut him off. “Save it. I don’t care what you think of me anymore. I do like Rich and if you’ve got a problem with that, then you can settle it with him. If he really likes me back, he’ll stay.”

“Michael,” Jake sighs as he takes a step closer to me. “you gotta think about--”

“I said save it.”

Without another word, I turn around and leave him. I could feel my face growing hot with suppressed rage at what just happened. I clench my jaw as I weave through the crowd in the hallway, my mind solely set on one destination. Jake turns out to be an asshole-- an arrogant, patronizing asshole. I should have seen this coming. I should have known better.

He’s not worth thinking about anymore.

Or at least, that’s what I want to convince myself into believing.

As pissed as I am, the way he handled our situation still stings. I wish things didn’t go down like that. I should have just let him believe what he wants to believe, then maybe there won’t be any bad blood between us. We were supposed to make things go back to normal, not make it worse.

But he thinks I’m obsessed with him.

I like him, but my attraction for him has never consumed my entire being as much as he likes to think so.

_So fucking arrogant._

I finally reach the cafeteria and I see Jeremy and Christine sitting with Rich and his friends. Rich isn’t talking to anyone. He looks pissed, and I could only guess that it probably has something to do with me not keeping my word again.

His eyes then meet mine and he’s quick to straighten up.

He doesn’t look happy, but he doesn’t look upset anymore either. He stands up from his seat and makes his way towards me. I decide to meet him halfway, my heart racing and my mind buzzing with all the noise going around in the cafeteria.

“Finally,” he says with an unimpressed and almost childish pout as we reach each other. “where have you been, dude--”

I don’t let him finish. I tug him in by the wrist and press my lips against his easily. I put my free hand behind his neck and I could feel him tense under my touch. But then the noise grows louder around us as cheers, high-pitched squeals, and hoots fill the air. As though liking the attention on us, Rich pulls me closer and kisses me back.

I’m not obsessed with Jake.

And I can prove that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! This isn't Jake's proudest chapter, but give him a chance lol
> 
> Lemme know what you guys think of this update!! <3


End file.
